Monday, December 29, 2008

The Shadow Lines-My tryst with Indo-English literature

My love affair with The Shadow Lines

I have always been an ardent admirer of Amitav Ghosh's works. My first foray into the world of literature was with his novel The Shadow Lines. I cannot believe still today what an impact the novel has on me. It's an amazing piece of work.

His writing stirred my imagination;every word comes alive whenever i recall my reading of this novel that afternoon. I bunked my morning lectures, sat on the window sill of my seniors' classroom and read it without break. Back at home i couldn't resist myself and i read some of the passages over and again.[Tridib's visit to narrator's home one day, narrator's grandmum's fascination for Tridib and his family, Tridib's talks with narrator, Tridib's death during communal violence]

I felt a surge of intense passion in me when i read the way narrator describes London ways and roads to Ila's boyfriend. Tridib, his uncle who fired his imagination.

Description of lights, shadows, and darkness. And, the most unforgettable statement that Ghosh made in the entire narrative is about the lines that divides borders are the lines of human faith that is so fleeting.. a thin dividing line between reality and imagination..

Only an anthropologist can really understand the essence of light and dark, shadows and reality.

What was Narrator doing, was he really in love with his cousin Ila or just a whim triggered by her being little different from what he was or his environment was. I felt as if he lived Tridib's life in whole of the narrative space. It was Tridib who lived through the narrator- narrator mere the ideal voicing Tridib.. a framework for that Tridib who could have been successful in his life. The Journey of the narrator begin with Tridib's stories, his imaginative stances, his gossips, his love and ends in traveling London, and at the climax in the arms of Tridib's love. What do you think, the narrator was doing there? He was living Tridib's part-his life. The narrator in fact acted or rather say have been molded as an alter ego of Tridib with the passing of time. His desire to know all, to grasp the reality in its most symbolic form was gifted by Tridib.

" The imagination with precision"

What exactly narrator stood for- a chronicler who is trying to record the events of 60s Calcutta and 70s London. He travels in myriad of cultures and time frames. He has seen more of London which not even those inhabiting the place has not known for years. He knows streets, homes, places, and Londoners even before setting his foot in the grand capital of English.

He is linking stories, histories together of India, of Dhaka, of London, of the lives of ordinary but marvelous characters of the novel and weaving all together to form a chronicle that oscillates on the pendulum of time- to and fro. Whose story was it- the narrator's , Tridib's or Political upheavals?

8/14/2008 6:49:56 AM- This was written long time back on authors den. Now, I'm deleting my account there so it gets accommodated here.

I would like my fellow DU english Literature students especially to contribute their own view on the novel and its themes. I would also like you to raise questions and give replies to the ones raised in the post.

Those who have not yet read this novel , do read it's awesome!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Some Craziest Whims, Favorites & Incomplete Feats!

It’s been a year now and I have been living in all hopes and aspirations of several kinds. Can you beat that I’m so insane, the craziest creature alive on this green planet that dodged her MA final year exams only because I was having no gut feelings to give exams? Ahhh! Mercy Lord! I’m such an idiot to quit my exams in 2008 and stretch my Ma to ’09. Burden! It always happens I’m so moron who acts in such silly ways often. Now, 8 damned papers are hovering over my head and I’m still occupied in helluva lot of stuff except studies. When Lord will put little sense in me? I have lots to achieve and here I am just whining away from this or that responsibility of mine.
How to get focused?
How to concentrate myself? How to get that lost vigor back so that I can complete MA? Above all how to tame my Mood swings?
I have to complete my Masters this year; I know I can do this if and only if I don’t get fits of mood swings… nobody believes me but this is true that I’m so ruled by my moods that I leave paper right in the middle and leave classroom just because rest of the questions are boring and I’m not going to answer them. How hard I try to fight myself that “Oh, Nicky please do complete your paper, girl it’s your future” the other part of my psyche revolts- “go to hell with your future I cannot answer so silly questions, I’m bored don’t you see?” Gauche! It’s too horrible to handle me in such state.
I remember I slept for around 2 hours during my second year grads exam. Silly me!
Once I’ll get over with this, I’ll join Sanskrit learning classes.
These are the matters of academics. I’m planning to join Bharatnatyam classes from past one year. Every time I call up Gandharva Vidhyalaya, fix my audition of Kathak and then I get lost. This is how I am. This is how ‘m wasting myself and my talent.
My tastes, oh please let not me remember my taste buds. I have craze of theater as well and owing to this in my grads first year I went down to Mandi House- National School of Drama. I was expecting to meet Mister Naseeruddin Shah by chance and Nandita Das sitting in the library scrolling down the catalogs of Bharatnatyashastra. Bah my fantasy! My expectations had great setback and on the top of it that damned fellow who was attending reception of auditorium said you need to have 10 years of experience in drama (school level) – abe daffar paida hote hi natak mandali join kar leti kya?
Oh I forgot to tell you I do have tste for music as well. Silly me to not to mention my sangeet vidhya abhiyan- so here you go with teeny-weeny details of this feat of mine- My Bauji (maternal grand pa) is friend of some classical singer and musician who is renowned tabla vadak if I am using the term correct (I hope so, pardon me if not there is one more history behind this usage of Hindi too). So this honorable Tabla vadak lives at AGCR Enclave, New Delhi. I called him talked with him and we fixed my classes and there I am lost in oblivion with no remembrance of my Tabla classes. And, this was owing to fact that good Tabla instrument cost made me go unconscious every time I picked up rate list, duh duh duh!
Now, Hindi, aaha ohho I have this junoon(zeal) kind of thing right from my grads days to learn different languages. A d, one amongst the category is Hindi lekhan- So, I have started reading Aksharam Sanghoshthi – it’s a Hindi magazine which has features/stories/poems/biographies/ and other discourses on various issues by talented Hindi writers.
Readers Digest- One of the favorite English digest.
Pitch - The ultimate advertising magazine.
Now, I just love to own Dictionaries and Bauji keeps contributing to my collection so girls & guys if you have any recommendations please drop in the comment box so that I can add some more to my collection.
Cards- I’m literally ga-ga over my cards owning hobby. I have my voters ID Card, British Council Library Membership Card, Sahitya Academy Membership Card, Metro Card, Globus Customer Card, My fiancés Van Huessen customers card, Blood Donation ID Card, College ID Card, ICICI Debit Card, Some Business Cards-Mum, Deepak, Nanny (Lt. Comma Consultancy one).
I’m looking forward to collect some more- Credit Cards, SBI Debit Card, J & K bank Debit Card, American Library Card, and will see if I can get some more ideas to own cards of varied colors… me giggle^*^*^*^:) :)
Books- Loads & Loads of them
Paper Bags- Pepe, Levis, Levi Strauss, Adidas, Ayuvi, and some more idhar udhar se ikatha kiye hue…. Lol! Silly me !
Dresses- Name one girl who doesn't love spending her last penny on dress that takes her breath away in showroom. I have few and with this i mean very few... (Nanny & Deepak keep your mouth shut and winks off this blog hunnh :)

A Request: Can anyone of you please send me some pic that can go well with this blog... i didn't get any :(

Friday, December 26, 2008

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs.

You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

Your Heart Takes Love Seriously

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Mother- The Fountain Of Knowledge Eternal!

In order to be a learned man you need to be a voracious reader. And in order to be a perfect social man you need to move in the circle of great intellectuals. You need not go far off to search for high brow people. You may find some of them right there in front of you but might not have noticed there intellect owing to several reasons. The impediments that come in the way of achieving knowledge are the personal hesitations and obligations. Sometimes a child of 6 years of age is wiser then we adults because he know that there is no harm in asking questions whenever tickled by curiosity which we elders tend to shrink from asking due to lot many reasons. Be inquisitive this is the only key to become a learned being. No answers will be given if you won’t pose any question. No knowledge will dawn up your darkened hemisphere if you won’t be curious enough to unravel the mystery in every simplest object or subject around you.

This simple attribute of questioning led eve to discover this mortal life of reasons though it has its share of drudgery, pains, vicissitudes that were not there in Eden. Question leads to answers leads to discovery leads to inventions leads to sustenance of human life on earth.

Have you ever ever asked yourself why it was mother who took the forbidden fruit or rather put it as fruit of knowledge and not the father? The mystery lies right in there in the word Mother itself. It’s the mother who is the first teacher of a child. It’s she whose touch is the first knowledge a child acquires. He learns a lot while resting and developing on its own pace in her womb. He learns to feel her emotions, her pain, her smiles, her agitations, and her dreams which she dreams right from the inception of a new life in her.

Why give complex name to a simple phenomenon called love. Why call it Oedipus complex and why not consider in this light that a child whether a male or female tends to love more to mothers because it’s she who bores them during their creation. A child is attached with umbilical chord with mother- eats what she eats, drinks what she drinks, breathes what she breathes, so why not feel what she feels. Nothing in world can beat the motherly affection not even a father can have that stature in the life cycle that a mother holds. She is the nurturer. She is the one who brings you to this world, infuses life in you, and fulfills your being with colors of humanity.

Why then it's fathers name that is most required to designate your standing in society. there were some ancient tribes in Africa where Matriarchy was the rule. Even in India in ancient times Matriarchy had been practiced but patriarchy is the one that has dominated all the spheres in almost all the ages. Even the history of mankind needs to be redefined in the words of a woman- in her all images.

I have so many thoughts and ideas brewing up in my mind's kettle, will definitely come up with a well researched post on matriarchy in my new blog!

The facts of My life!


Good question, thoughts invoking! This is a reply to a question being posed in some group on blog catalog!

All of us have our happy and sad moments but the moments of fulfillment are those when it seems as if there is nothing more to yearn for, life has reached at its ultimate destination. I believe that such moments of fulfillment should never be attained or rather say these are rarely attainable. Since, once you have attained that fulfillment there will be no more desires left in you and the very moment human life will be rendered meaningless.

I feel happy when I’m writing because at that time I’m creating something whether that is a web of not-so-refined thoughts or mere abstraction of my reveries. I feel contented when I read and analyze, I read and discuss, I read and agree/contradict, I read and pen down, I read and my reading provokes me to write. When I write then I rewrite and keep it editing till I get at the root of the subject in concern- and I feel fulfilled?

Memories- my legacy to world- to the future progeny! I want to live life beyond physical human existence. I want to get embedded in between the folds of people’ lives whosoever came in my contact during my life span! I will love to be invoked in some memory of someone when I’m no more a flesh and blood and just a name in the sands of time. I’ll live in the soul of every word I ever uttered and every path I ever traversed and every human I ever loved/hated.

I have loved my partner- my better half, my soul mate more than myself. I have loved him more than my writing; I have loved him more than my own existence. He is an inspiration, he is an idol of my creativity in his both the physical and spiritual self.

I have made no sacrifice for him ever... Or rather say when you love there is no words like sacrifices and compromises in the lexicon of life left. You just love and do everything in love… It’s that pure passion, emotion that elevates you to a state where nothing matters. Actions in love are purely act of love!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Nothing Can Be Done- Go Numb

I can not be happy, i cannot be sad, i cannot be gloom i cannot be enraged. what i can be is just all smiling all gleeful laughing and chirruping like a morning bird who is happy to see the world around and flutter its wings to fly high in the sky. But, i haven't got any wings, I'm an ordinary human who might be having some needs, who might be in need of some solace. Where shall i find it if not in arms of thee? I dare not have my sad moments, i dare not talk what my heart yearns for , dare not be mute when what i utterly need at the time is silence. Phew!! what to do and what not to do? What to be and what not to be? haah like Hamlet- "To be or not to be"- what a dilemma life poses in front of almost every human being!

Be happy and make people around me happy! This is the only work left for me to do now?

Do not be concerned? And , if you are then dare not speak up? Do not be sad, if you are then give reason and if reasoned then forget about the further discussion.... "i have nothing to say, i know you feel like an eternal sufferer and me like bogging you down every time so there is no point discussing things with you". At this retort of yours-aahaa... me chuckle; me quip; me quibble; me laugh; me cry; me weep; me wail; me go dumb; me go into utter silence- an impenetrable sheet of life where nothing just darkness looms-- nothing else ... me go numb!

M.A. Previous- 2006

The most detestable part of this winter is that I have to sit back at home instead of university. In university we used to sit on terrace with tea glasses in hands and sandwiches in between some discussion on Horace’s odes or satires. Oh, the day when we discussed Peloponnesian war, we seriously had a heated argument on what exactly is the purport of Thucydides.

There is always some special memory in your life one that you just love to keep thinking about every now and ten. That makes you cry and yearn for that once again in life. /there are certain moments in your life that you want to relive… and rekindle that fire again.

2006 winters… Me, Shree and Abha used to spend our morning hours right after GC’s lectures on library terrace. There is a small canteen sort of for lib staff where you can have “garam chai” and tomato/onion/chilly sandwiches. Ahaa! The best treat of the world. We used to discuss our lectures, notes, reading, backgrounds, satires, odes, novels, critical theories, literary criticism…

Those corner looks of that lib chap, the way he used to grant useless permissions to take reference books to me because he knew only reference books will keep me sitting in the library. Running back to Patel Chest to get this or that readings xeroxed..." Array bhaiya… kamal kar diyaa apne ab nahin karaungi main aapke pass se photocopy itna bulk mein karwane ke baad bhi you charge 20 paisa per page… make it 18 lest I won’t come here…" hhahah.. And every time I used to go down to Patel chest to get my readings photocopied Uncle Tom’s Maggie was must to have with a banta… university delights…

Bookland, Motilal Banarsidas, Mc Donald's, chache ke bahature- the most frequented places.

Rush to get notes photocopied, attend lectures- especially that of classical literature- GC is just awesome. He infuses life into the dead poets and writers of classical era. It seems as if Sappho would have been alive she must have hugged GC for giving such a brilliant interpretation of her odes… Gautam Chakrabarthy – just a look at him makes you feel that he might be some Greek bard …

Beggar's Opera- i must say.. one of the best play and most discussed over by trio of we girls

Byron- was one of the biggest fascination of that year, i literally read his biographies, and literature simply devoted to him; the biggest of the Casanova of Seventeenth Century, handsome, and charming persona; his biographies and love quests depicts how much Eros favored him most.

Life is like that.. Time keeps changing at its own pace and we humans are left just with the memories of bygone days.

Time is so precious of all the worldly things… it never stops for anyone so live the moment….

Pic: William Hogarth- The Beggar's Opera(John Gay)

Now, all these persons from different ages must be discussed under individual headings...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

One Promise--- Will Fulfill The Dream

It’s already too late I have wasted 18 years of my life just like that thinking and imagining and just not doing anything worthy. It’s high time now and I need to do something soon lest I’ll be extinct from the face of earth without being registered in the cannons of mankind’s history. I need to do that for Greek warriors winning a battle was glory and in the same way getting registered in the psyche of human beings is my destination and I need to do that. I have to attain that glory lest I’ll see myself as a looser even at the death bed. I don’t know what happens when I embark on pursuing my dream.

Something intervenes and it’s only my imagination that keeps me wandering on the edges and leads me astray. I need to focus myself; I need to have full concentration. Enough of fooling around people- friends, love, family, crap! I keep thinking about them and lose the precious time that should be devoted to pursue my dream. Aah! It has gone too far but not so much so that I cannot get it back only if lace up my shoes and saddle up my horse back right away.

Life is too short, I need to get back home- as Tennyson says this world is a journey that needs to end at home (and home is where god is). I don’t want to go empty handed and show him face like a moron who has gained nothing on the way back to home. As in ancient times children were sent to study abroad so was I being sent by the father above to learn and gain some knowledge and let Him be proud of His child. Though He is the pilot steering my life still He gave me this power of reason to utilize it well and be a good child and learn the lessons He wanted to teach via this journey called life.

Crossing the Bar

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

-------- Alfred Lord Tennyson

There are many things that deviates me from the path but this is what we call tests, put to us. We need to face them and go ahead with a winning smile.

Let not the failure deter me… Oh Lord! Bless me with Thine grace!

Thoust do not leave me… Oh Lord! Whatev’ be the circumstances!

Let not me waver from my path ahead

I’ll have my dream fulfilled with Thine grace!

I’ll attain the glory meant for intellect high, I’ll wish upon the star and to get it will reach the sky!

I have promised myself to be the best child

I’ll attain the glory with graces of Thine!

-----Me, To Father

La liberté n'a pas de prix.

La liberté n'a pas de prix.

Freedom is priceless.

I love animals! I have one bitch and white mice as pet. Pet- word itself is designator of chain, collar, and cage. No way! i have never caged my white mice . They are so sweet to be kept in cage and now their family has grown to 24 in numbers. They are all so little teeny-weeny mice. And, my bitch - Genie—aaha! The princess of our house. She moves as if she is a real-time gracious young lady with trails of young lads (pet dogs) of the lane following her. lolz! She is just a darling!

I brought her home when she was just 14 days old. And, now she is one year 4 months old and see the ways he flaunts her new red dress for winters. She is half breed (German shepherd street dog). That's the reason like GS she keeps her ear straight upwards and sit upright and like street dog just loves to play in sand. Such a naughty stuff she is made up of, jumping from sofa to chairs to deewan (single bed in living room) and not setting foot on ground...

And, she has a lover too- there is one German shepherd in colony... oh man the way they both look at each other and lick and kiss and play... it takes hell lot of pulling and screaming on my part to take her back home...

and back at home she raves like tigress- dare you talk to Deepak tonight and I’ll keep barking and howling on the top of the voices and won't let you have a decent silent talk... huunh.. Little devils

those teeny-weeny mice... they are not behind... when it's time for their meals an if i get late by any chance they threaten me like anything… Climb on my chair and bed.. start tugging at bed sheet showing that give us food or we will chew away your bed cover.... hah.. I’m aghast at their audacity!

They are courteous and warm hearted too. They welcome all the newcomers by tugging at their feet/shoes/pant/sari.... letting them know see here we are and do not forget to say hi to all of us... they are so sweet - little white mice with crystal red eyes.

I can never imagine them in cage they are too soft.... and innocent. They have heart too . You know what the mother mouse she bathes her little kids with her tiny paws... and comb their hair. Ohh such a lovely sight they make. They are more intelligent then we humans. We become selfish but animals are never so. They have genuine and compassionate heart. Why put them in cage and enslave them. They have full right to freedom. All the more they are free of human vanity and sense of shame which makes them dearer and nearer to God.

PS: Do not treat animals asslave or fun toys. They are just like little kids, love them. They can be real time friend indeed!

Adult' Corner!!

Lots of saddy-saddy & emotional posts. Now let us have a fun! Though very personal but I would love to share some of my personal views on few subjects. Are you seriously looking forward to some funny quibbles here? Darn you! Off this blog right away... I'm writing some real time brooding & notions of mine...

Actually my fiancé is having headaches lately, he tried to add nutritional food to his daily diet but of no avail; he tried taking rest on weekends again of no avail; I suggested go and have sex [joked-definitely! dare he go somewhere else to have it ;)]. Yeah! But it's true that sex is one stress buster that makes you feel more happy and rejuvenated all the time.

Girls it's for you especially- females who have regular sex feel less pain during periods comparable to ones who are celibate or have irregular sex)

If you have headache

have nutritious diet & good rest(if not,)
get a soothing scalp massage(if not,)
have sex

If you have acne & dull skin

go and check out some dermatologist(if not,)
use home remedies or cosmetics out there on market shelves(if not,)
have sex

If you are in bad temper

take a day off & ghumkar aao beta(if not,)
take shower, relax back, read some book, have chocolates(if not,)
have sex

If you are in good mood

shopping!! Yuppie!!!(if not,)
cook & party(if not,)
have sex

if you are disheartened

do attend some pravachan & learn morals of life(if not,)
talk to friends(if not,)
have sex

If you are in rage

go n fight out the chap involved(if not,)
clean house, wash cloths, cook, and work like a labor & bang on bed tired(if not,)
have sex

Sex is one act that goes well in all circumstances:
Headaches: If you suffer from migraines and severe headaches, sex is one fine remedy for you. It's been scientifically approved that orgasms kill migraines and you feel better and relaxed after having sex.
Apart from headaches sex relieves you off from sluggishness and other body aches. While having sex body muscles terse, contracts and the relax backs completely.

Bad mood/rage: Sex purge your body off of heat that keep welling up inside. After having sex you feel fresh and in good mood. It lightens your heart and makes you feel stress free. It elevates tensions created by mood swings and unhappy events. Sex releases a hormone called endorphin into the individual's bloodstream. Endorphin is a pleasure giving hormone that releases sense of euphoria in you. You feel good and soothed. Instead of taking tranquilizers during depression and emotional swings have sex as It is 10 times powerful than any other tranquilizers.
Skin problems: Sex releases great amount of heat from your body which tens to help in rejuvenating your body skin and leaving it fresh. Women who tend to have regular sex have good shining hair, and glowing skin on long rum due to the balanced productivity and activity of hormone called estrogen.

Sex helps in balanced regulation of hormones and reduces fat accumulation into the body cells as it tends to burn approx 4.2 cals per session.

It improves sense of odor as production of prolactin, a hormone gets enhanced owing to regular sex. Prolactin induces stem cells in brain to e of neurons in the olfactory bulb.

Lends good health to prostate

Having soft sex and not going wild all the time helps maintain strength in the penile muscles.

You will have less cold & cough. Sex acts as an antihistamine that blocks sinusitis problem.

Okay !! Now, till date only these are some of my few findings via articles, scientific studies, and reports published by gynecologists.

PS: Who all are eligible to have it, play safe!

(Hell! I still fret from having it ;) me quipped!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Spark Up The Waning Flame

I read a blog entry written by definitely a good writer who is more intellectual and smart in writing pieces than i can ever be. I liked the way he has written his sentiments on the havoc played upon Mumbai.

He posed a question-Can we stop India being forced to die, bit by bit? (Nawaid Anjum- An Indian Elegy- Myriad Musings)

Yes, we can! You can, I can, and likewise everyone of us can save this land of cultural diversity. We can stop terrorism only if we enlighten ourselves that internal security and peace in the nation is what is required for its actual development instead of Olympic games, metro, flyovers, and shopping malls. all of these aforesaid developments have become a kind of liabilities that have made India all the more vulnerable.

We don't need any of these old and haggard politicians who are fat bones feeding themselves on the toast of religions; we need youth, intellectuals, enlightened men who can come to fore strengthening the very roots of India by nurturing it with waters of intellect, mutual understanding and above all unity.

We, the citizens are responsible for the havoc, we keep fighting... we have forgotten that age old lesson-band muthi lakh ki khul jaye toh khak ki....instead of fighting with each other we should be one to fight against all the prevalent evils in the Indian political and social arena and wipe out corruption which has taken roots in the very Indian psyche... It's difficult, it seems as a far off dream.. but not impossible. We need radicals ... writers, people who can voice out these ideas, one spark that can rouse the suppressed fire... ebbing spirit of young India.

I have always loved reading political pamphlets, revolutionary discourses, but have never written one. I would love to use my rebellious kind of spirit to have some thing spilled in the direction of writing discourse. Lets see how far i can go. I have been brooding over this idea since long but what i have learned from own nature is that i write when in frenzy, and at that moment i write best when I'm no more in control of my superego.

Girls Please!!

Now, it's the most dreadful day of the month. Aaah... ohhh mummaaaa.. You must have got that yeah. It's terrible to have these cramps and you just feel like crushing something. Ooops! That photo frames on my bedside missed the shot :) ;).

How bad it is, seems as if world has come to an end... I just keep asking my mum while groaning in pain who the hell is responsible for this damned thing. Just give out name an ill se to it. And it's always 'his' I use for this unknown entity coz since ages men have been trying to be bossy and keep looking for ways to suppress we innocent girls.

Even nightmares are dripping with blood. aaargghhh!!! How tacky! Nothing seems going straight and good. Sticky, smelly, wet all the weeklong. Phew!! When date is due I keep counting seconds oh please do come do come and when it comes upon I try to shew away ufff see the plight!

When it was my first time i was so elated as if something too good has happened to me. I was on leave that day but got ready instantly and went to school just to let my girl friends know i have become a young lady. lolz! it was kind of celebrating monment for me I mean come on don't look at me like that every girl used to have periods and i was the only moron who still had not got initiated into this feminine cult. How creepy na! queer queer!:);)

And, just around lunch time I felt a bolt of cramp… ohh cramps actually that took me out of my senses. baah!! I still remember the day-some peon was sent to drop me. Since that day there is just no end to me cursing the creator of this satanic pain?

I have seen so many girls shying away during their periods. They don't feel easy in the presence of male society during those blue days. I understand and know what exactly is the kind of psychology running down there. But, times have changed and periods are nothing to be ashamed of you. It's the blessing of being fertile which is not being bestowed on males. They are deprived of this very pleasure of being mother which is being gifted to us-women. Howsoever, painful periods are these at least ensure your fertility. Your ability to be a mother, to give birth to a new life.

While studying menstrual cycle in 9th standard Biology, chapter-reproduction, section-female reproduction, i can still visualize suppressed grins, smiles, battling of eyelashes, and faces in the class of both the girls and boys. Those were the days when menstruation was not that matter of concern. It seemed as if we are being cursed due to some unknown folly we committed someday. And, as we grow mature the realization sets in the mind that it is a blessing to be a medium of bringing forth human life- progeny to mankind.


I keep popping in tablets and it's of no avail. But, from past six months I’m studying a lot over the subject and some pain buster strategies & remedies too.

So, here is what I can give out to help you sweethearts somewhat!

It’s definitely better than the crooked Doc's advice" things will be alright baby once you get married!" - She says so with such an evil grin that i feel like smashing her teeth.

  • Yoga- it can be of great help but keep it a regular practice. Do not do it when in periods as it requires lots of stretching and during periods your body is too softened and vulnerable to nerve spasms and cramps.
  • Warm water- do not take normal or cold water rather drink lukewarm water as it soothes down building muscles tensions into your lower abdomen.
  • Do brisk walking it again helps in smoothing muscles.
  • If you see irregular flow of blood or less bleeding then it's seriously a matter of concern. No bleeding or less results into bulging belly pouch. So, instead of taking allopathic medicines make small balls of turmeric powder with few drops of water and take them with lukewarm water. Turmeric powder has antiseptic qualities. It reduces pain and brings about proper bleeding. This helps in detoxifying your stomach and intestines too.
  • Usually, cramps are the result of building gas ball in your stomach so first step should be to get rid of gas from your body. For this you can use Ajwain(carom seeds) + saunth(dry ginger)+ gur (jaggery) make a mixture and take with lukewarm water. It will, not only relieve you from gas ball but those hellish cramps as well.
  • Take one tsp of olive oil and warm it. Massage this warm oil in lower abdomen and back. This will relieve you from pains soon. Make it a daily early morning habit during those 7 days (generally, in a normal health state periods lasts for 4-5 days)
  • Hot water bag is the ultimate blessing to soothe down your stomach.
  • Last but not least try as much as possible to divert your mind.

PS: Try to avoid taking tablets as much as possible. These pills tend to make you addictive for long run and degrade your body stamina.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Lost Dream

Last night while writing mail to Nanny i felt a kind of shivering in me as if i was doing something strange. A cold sweat ran down my spine, many things that i had forgotten came rushing to my mind scape.

How i wish to erase off so many days from life.

Prianca talked about Del button... it would have been great! Select and if nothing ever existed ;nothing ever happened;

I love drawing; i keep drawing pictures of unknown lands. Most of the time i try to map the events of my life in pictures i draw. They are weird pictures with so much in one page.

I, once had a dream. Now, it's lost. the soil of productivity & creation exists no more. No more my quill has potential to scribble! Lost Dream!!

One day may be i will be able to fulfill it. May Be!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Now You Have Tasted Love's Sweet Wine

Thread that starts from simple "HELLO" trails along the path of whole life if tended with utmost love and care. You never know when all of a sudden someone becomes too special for you and without even knocking at the doorstep of your heart creeps into it silently and makes a home there. One day a name… name strange for ears but beautiful to lips rings out and lo! There you get settled …this very name keeps swaying around you until it embraces your whole self into its whirlpool. You know what it is? It is what we call Love.

Love – simple four letter words with diversified meanings and implications. You love your mum, dad, siblings, friends, teachers, fellow humans then why this simple word becomes too special and big in its essence when used in context of this someone who has just swept you off your feet?

Somewhere it is written, in a holy text of Hindus that there is only one relation in this whole world- relation of a man with a woman and rest are mere trailers. Rightly said, at the end of the day what man needs is woman and vice versa. They are incomplete without each other like ocean without water; sky without clouds, earth without soil.

You must have seen many people going around in the pursuit of right man and right woman but of no avail. It comes and makes it presence felt when you are really not prepared and that too in a very ordinary fashion; not the way you would have imagined like I’ll attend some function and will spot someone who will take my breath away/ some friend, though we keep fighting one day will fall for each other as shown in Yash Chopra flicks. No, it comes on its own; it’s that wild and untamed force to which you can never resist. It comes for everyone depends how long one take to recognize it.

It makes you feel good, makes you feel beautiful, makes you feel vulnerable; keeps you entranced, enchanted. It gives hell lot of pain but ask lovers and they will tell you- pains are the very nectar of the love that springs in the hearts of two beings…It seems one lifetime is not enough to be with this someone.

Love has its impression full in emotional/physical/social/psychological sense . If you love someone then have guts to be for that person whole of your life irrespective of what creed/color/nature/race/religion it belongs to.

When you love someone then you learn the most important lesson of life- Self Sacrifice!

Love selflessly and see what immense pleasure you will feel.

Nanny! I have always been worried about this girl. Never opens up, lots of things her heavy thoughts laden eyes says but her lips never move to formulate words that my ears could listen. My heart used to ache seeing her alone. You know what it’s necessary to have someone to turn to in your life. When everywhere it is haze and just a look from your lover makes world seems like Eden again with clear view. There should be someone to tell you how beautiful your dark kohled eyes are; there was a need of someone to quip and roll into laughter seeing you making faces when irritated. There is always a need for someone who can tell you oh my princess you are the best thing that has ever happened to me in this life. It is necessary to feel like a sleeping beauty waiting for a prince charming to come and wake you up from deep slumber of loneliness.

Someone who can introduce you to yourself; who can tell you who exactly you are. Let you know how many diamonds worth you have? Can say oh Rakhi why you keep pretending that you are an adamant,strong, and self confident girl who doesn't need anyone. You too need someone in front of whom you can freely show your tender self honey.

Life becomes worth living. Every thing around in this world takes beautiful and colorful meanings. Seems some music is in air…It is necessary to feel someone’s arm around your shoulder so that your neck doesn’t get hurt while tilting. There should be an arm to tug into while walking down the lane. There should be someone in front of whom you can be what you are. I used to feel that void….that space empty in your life Nanny dearest.

I wake up at 3:30 am Was too uneasy, felt as if something is happening and knew not what. I was curious knew not why? Then around 4-4:30 am you called up and I was really not surprised. You must have noticed that there was no sense of alarm in my voice as if this was what my unconscious self was waiting for. You were sounding ecstatic, out of senses… hahahaha believe me Nanny how eagerly I waited for this moment… I’m your friend or may be I don’t have words to describe our relationship anymore honey. I am so much happy for you.

I was happy that moment but more than that I was at peace. My heart got that satisfaction I was yearning for. You know Nanny, even if this feeling is for short while it brings heavenly hues in your life.. and I could imagine you dressed in magical hues already.

You know what Nanny you were sounding like a kid who is too happy after receiving her most wished for gift on Christmas. How swiftly words were flowing out of your heart with no pauses. It seemed if you will never stop; you will will really never have enough of talking.... I know how good it feels to have someone round who is equal to you in all rational and emotional sense and emitting back that same pleasure which you are feeling in his presence. Finally! It happened to you..

God Bless You

Love you loadzzzz!!
Mmuaahhh :)

Amor Fati !!

A Poem For Thee

I don't remember where did i come across this poem and who is the poet... But this is beautiful.

Read it though...

I Asked…
“Pray dear, do you love me?”

They say there are more stars above
Than grains of sand undreamed of.

You said…
“More than all above I love thee!”

When feeling weak and vulnerable
In need from you a lift
Then words like these
Are a gracious gift!

When alone and in need of cheer
Asking if you really care
Then words like these
With me you share.

When missing you until I ache
So much longing for you
Then words like these
Confirm your love is true.

When you are there and I am here
Separate, yet close
Then words like these
Say it’s me you chose.

When we laugh and play together
Happy and content
Then words like these
Our love cement.

When we’re holding each other
With our thoughts and dreams
Then words like these
Our past redeems

When we’re together all alone
Talking and sharing
Then words like these
Reveal such caring.

When I need you most
In the hours wee
Then words like these
Increase my love for thee!

12th December 2007

Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time:

effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.

It’s too difficult to write something reasonable because when I write I am not in senses. I write when I'm overwhelmed with an urge to give myself a vent.... This post is not a vent. It is a confession-confession of my love for him. I don't know what the intensity of love is; I don't how much I love. What I know is just that I loved him; I love him and will love him ever and forever.

December 12 2008

Dearest Deepak,

I feel sometimes that you do not care about me as much as i do. i fear that i am no more important to you since as it is said things once wished for if achieved lose their importance so i lost that significance in your life. I know it's just that I miss you so much so that silly notions & fears get their ways in my heart during solitary hours.

Hey Love! I love you and loving you more as the days are passing and you have grown from a mere friend to a lover to a suitor to SOUL MATE!!

Now, what I'm going to write you are the words of my mentor Keats's as he is my mentor in poetry so his words describe well what I wanted to tell you... I hope you will easily comprehend the meanings. And for that my love read in between the lines...

"The more I have known you the more have I loved. In every way - even my jealousies have been agonies of Love, in the hottest fit I ever had I would have died for you.

I have vex'd you too much. But for Love! Can I help it?

You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest;"

I think these words described what I wanted to tell you.... may not be anew feeling or thought but every time I talk about it' like a bud opening up to this world for the fist time.

When you say, “I Love You Prachi." It gives me sensations similar to the day when you said it for the first time.

Did i tell you your whispers are enough to rouse me from silence, from sleep, from depths, from this ordinary human world and make me feel ecstatic... aah bliss if there is it is here in this world, on the piece of earth you standing, in the moment when you call my name, in you, in your existence, in you within me.

Every moment spent with you is worth cherishing; seems this life will be too short since i would love to live each moment thousand times with you.

One thing I learned from this life I have been endowed with is Love... I love and will keep on loving till my eyes gets closed to this world.

You might be thinking what a nasty little girl, keeps torturing me with her complaints... but I know you have loved me more than I have ever done to you.

You waited for me long two years and I got disheartened in few months.... you know what in these few months I have loved you with all my might which left nothing in me of me.... it's all you all you and all you!!!

You are the very first thought of my day and there is no ending after that.

There was a time when I had thought that now it's high time and you no more love me and that moment I was in love with you and I loved you all the more sincerely and deeply without any hopes of you back in my life. And, now when I have you with me can you imagine how devoutly I love you.

When you are around my soul is at peace. Seems no more journeys, no more I am a nomad;

I feel complete and feel secure,

Though urgency in your voice makes me wearied; I feel hurt to see you tensed, but at the same time my heart feels immense pleasure that howsoever busy this world may make you my absence unnerves you still.

There are days when I need you most, when my heart aches to be with you and you are not there even to console it. I still cannot be angry with you and this makes me angry on myself. See the plight of my situation I’m upset because I was not able to be angry with you.

I know not what I am for you, though I have been waiting since long to hear it from you. You know what sometimes words are needed; if not words then expressions are needed; if not expressions then deeds are needed to express what you feel. If nothing applies then why God made this weirdo thing called language? Language is made to convey what humans feel or think. And, we are endowed with various faculties as a medium for language…. Use them sometimes dearest me! It ought to be done!

Many Many Happy Returns of the Day- It’s been a year to us together in such a beautiful relationship. We have been best of friends to each other. Let not unhappy memories make you sad over anything. Life is too beautiful and now when you are in then it is all the more beautiful.

Love you ever and ever and forever!!!

God Bless !

“My Mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it.

I never felt my Mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment - upon no person but you.

When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses.”

-John Keats

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be

Yours P-for Princess

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Roping Myself In

Lo! here she tags me again! But, it is fun now. I'm just loving it as it is giving me kind of Catharsis!

This time rules have been laid-Rules with no rules at all!!

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?

I will not be able to react but one thing that I will also not be able to come to terms with people around in this lifetime!

2. If you could have one dream come true which one would it be?

To have a peaceful and stable life! I’m tired of living thus- lonely even in the crowdiest place like this world!

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

I don’t want to do this to anybody except who dominate poor, show their prowess on weaklings, and doesn’t know how to respect a woman.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Buy a small house and make it a home. Decorate it with beautiful interiors and all comforts; Buy loads of books enlisted in my diary; and interior the study with elegance; maintain a beautiful garden with lots of flowers and plants; spend some money in opening a home for stray animals and getting them fed properly; rest in savings account as I may need that to take care of what all I bought previously J

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

A best friend can never be a good lover, but a lover/life partner can be a good friend though!

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

Loving someone is a beautiful sensation of realizing that there is someone in this world who holds such a great importance that you do not have time to care for yourself anymore; and being loved just completes you and ends your untamed wanderings!

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?

I don’t know! May be till my last breath and ash off waiting

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?

I won’t be able to say anything and something in me will die; I know!

9. If you could root for one social cause which one would it be?

Tending to poor animals and making sure that every animal that I see with no shelter is being protected and fed.

10. What takes you down the fastest?

Sunrays and scorching heat!

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?

In a calm family environ where I take care of household chores and my husband and kids. And, aaha still playing your tagging game! I am loving it you know!

12. What's your fear?

Have no guts to spill them anywhere (blog/paper/phone calls/mails no where I can let this fear out and so it’s making me weak inside)

13. What kind of person(s) do you think the person who tagged you is/are?

She is one who has brains enough to let you shell out those innermost yelling, confusions, desires, unsaid grievances out with a wink and harmless games!

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Married with no more struggles in life (physical/emotional/economical/cultural/social)

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

I wake up with his call, wish him Good Morning and then sleep again!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick?

The one who can make me feel secured and kill those lonely hours when my "SELF" keeps torturing me!

17. Would you give all in a relationship?

Yeah, that is how I love and relationship can be of a friend/ sister/daughter/wife/lover. And may be it’s all involuntary, you never come to know when nothing of you remains behind, mere the shadow of person you love/in relationship with!

18. What's eating you now?

My fears and loneliness is gnawing at my chores!

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

I’m already in a relationship but being single in a relationship is toughest job than being single alone!

20. Tag 6 people...
**Born Vagabond
**Scribble Pad

It's good sometimes to have this kind of cathartic game!