Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Communion with My Lord !!

i'm tiring myself out... know not what i want .. or may be i know what i want.. whatever be the case the picture is vague.. i want to start a work of my own.. i can not, i simply am not able to work for someone . still i'm doing that..because i need time.. i need funds.. i need to plan ..
Right now i'm so much in muddle that howsoever efforts i put won't be able to get out of this pool.. since lots of matters are pending.. lots of issues to be solved.. lots of decisions have to be made.. only then my life will be steady enough to live..
yeah my ideas seems weird but let them take shape.. and see i can make gold out of's not a wishful thinking..
Everyone thinks that i'm crazy.. yeah i know this very well before anybody else..i left my M.A. English in middle.. how i yearned to get admission into Masters in English Literature and when i got i stepped into such a messy thing.. which ruined my studies.. nobody except me is responsible.. and i knew it this year i can't clear MA.. so i dropped most of the papers..
But i have thought over this and many other issues..and i'm going to implement everything that i have planned out and outlined as a course of my life.. i'll lead my life the way i want to.. "no rubble rouser would be allowed".. But .. (how i hate this word 'BUT') 'm waiting for one particular decision and that You will take.. I have left Everything on You.. don't be heartless.. and Please be lill more kind.. i know You are already still I need lill more support..You know this very well what all i need and if i won't get that I'll ruin everything.. everything.. and this is not my "EGO" talking to You just me and 'm telling you rather say confessing once again that how destructive i am .. Please i really need you to be more considerate.. i know You have been watching over me since long long time.. b and i had always been an insolent kid unheeding to what all You suggested/hinted/ instructed.. but then You know how direly i need you.. and always keep tugging at You.. i really do accept that i use foul words for you but then come on.. i'm not bad and i never meant all that.. it's just that i don't want to confess in front of everybody that I Love You and Trust You blindly..
And, Hey, don't You think i'm trying to impress/ becoming a Sychophant.. It's all true and genuine .. right from my soul..
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