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Thursday, October 23, 2008

unspelled...

It's a screwed min of mine that keeps troubling me.. now again it's in search of solace.. haah.. it is always if i am to speak honestly. But, now i'm tired from so many things.. i don't want myself to be strained any more an just want to run away.. to far far lands of my imagination.. where i cannot catch sight of any mortal soul.. phew mortals are not to be near me .. since, in any case they will leave me one day.. then why be at all...

I have loved... the day i saw... being loved... the day ...seen... why this tension.. why this.... hesitation.. why this indifference.. why being stiffened towards each other... why acting as a stranger towards each other impulses.. needs.. feelings.... i have reason.. have reason.. 'm not saying no.. then why... this longing.. staining us apart.... i can feel that rift now and then.. too see that sense that tries to fill at times but i step back.. and when i try to fill... steps back... haah.. why all this... can't ignore.. and that too when in reach... cannot be ignored when 'm in reach...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Broken Cringes

Fingers don't wanna move...pen don't wanna scribble, words don't wanna live, and keypad is getting wayward......


I have been hording up so many things since last few months... and I need a good vent too... aah but when the good day will dawn!!...
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Ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haar ke
kaanton pe chal kar milenge saye bahar ke..
Oh rahi oh rahi oh rahi oh rahi!!!

I have lost count of time, i have lost count of my age, I have lost count of my feelings, i have lost count of my needs, i have lost count of my urge to be with him, I have lost count of myself!!

I don't realize when sun shines, when dusk fells when stars twinkles... life has become barren… like an automaton … that is meant for mechanical production....

"You are working hard, but not smart!" To be honest to the statement... I’m not doing either of the said things...

What i aspire to be in life is already mauled in dust of my social needs...I have to be what 'm not just for the sake of pleasing fellow clays....’m not liking bit of it.. Actually, to be true to myself... I never liked things when they go astray of my thoughts...

I like what I am... I like what I feel is too-ethical. non-ethical; I'm lost… but not like Faustus... but, n some sense 'm not more than Faustus.. and I'm much similar to him.. i have sold my soul to Mephistopheles!..human needs.. to eke out living...!!

Kabhi shaam dhale toh mere dil mein aa jaana
kabhi chan khile toh mere dil mein aa jaana
magar aana is tarah tum ke yahan se fir na jaana..!!

Somewhere down my throat I hum these verses, why? For whom?

I'm pretending! Each and every breath I take is an affectation and nothing more than that. I'm pretending to myself...How brute... I'm inflicting pain on my innocent and sensitive soul!