Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Broken Cringes

Fingers don't wanna move...pen don't wanna scribble, words don't wanna live, and keypad is getting wayward......

I have been hording up so many things since last few months... and I need a good vent too... aah but when the good day will dawn!!...
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Ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haar ke
kaanton pe chal kar milenge saye bahar ke..
Oh rahi oh rahi oh rahi oh rahi!!!

I have lost count of time, i have lost count of my age, I have lost count of my feelings, i have lost count of my needs, i have lost count of my urge to be with him, I have lost count of myself!!

I don't realize when sun shines, when dusk fells when stars twinkles... life has become barren… like an automaton … that is meant for mechanical production....

"You are working hard, but not smart!" To be honest to the statement... I’m not doing either of the said things...

What i aspire to be in life is already mauled in dust of my social needs...I have to be what 'm not just for the sake of pleasing fellow clays....’m not liking bit of it.. Actually, to be true to myself... I never liked things when they go astray of my thoughts...

I like what I am... I like what I feel is too-ethical. non-ethical; I'm lost… but not like Faustus... but, n some sense 'm not more than Faustus.. and I'm much similar to him.. i have sold my soul to Mephistopheles!..human needs.. to eke out living...!!

Kabhi shaam dhale toh mere dil mein aa jaana
kabhi chan khile toh mere dil mein aa jaana
magar aana is tarah tum ke yahan se fir na jaana..!!

Somewhere down my throat I hum these verses, why? For whom?

I'm pretending! Each and every breath I take is an affectation and nothing more than that. I'm pretending to myself...How brute... I'm inflicting pain on my innocent and sensitive soul!

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