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Sunday, November 30, 2008

chamakte chand ko tuta hua tara bana dala
merei awargi ne mujhko awara bana dala.....
bada dilkash bada rangeen hai ye shahar kehte hai..
yahan par hain hazaron ghar gharon mein log rehte hai
mujhe is shahr mein galiyon ka banzaran bana daala
chamkte chand ko tuta hua taara bana dala
main is duniya ko aksar dekhkar hairan hota hun..

Remembering those days of solitary wanderings when people at home used to think that I'm with someone and hell i used to be all alone on the contrary... wandering like a lost soul in the crowd.. standing somewhere holding the railings and peering through crowd to see some lighting.. what? lighting.. yeah i used to wish thousand times to see something familiar in the herd of people on streets.. i wonder what i keep looking for all the time.. a miracle? may be... in 2004 i felt that now life has changed and I'm going to have everything i wished for.. wished for? what you wished for? i wished for a life with peace and solitude where i can have myself flourishing and learning... the life i wanted to live always.

While going back home i used to think did anyone noticed me. I exist? May be i was invisible visible!!

Life is a never ending quest for me. I keep searching for answers to my questions and on the way curbing so many desires that i had been dreaming may get fulfilled when someone who can notice my "invisible visible " self ... Alas!

Now, no more dreams... no more wishes to cling on... no more hopes left for anything in this world... I must understand now that life is like that only!! you can never change it the way you want...

Friday, November 28, 2008

Khoye Khoye Chand Ki Talash Mein Hai Dil





aaj shab jo chaand ne hai roothane ki thaan li
gardishon mein hai sitaare baat hamane maan li

andheri syaah jindagi ko sujhati nahi gali
ke aaj haath thaamlo ik haath ki kami ?khali

kyun khoye khoye chaand ki firaaq mein talaash mein udaas hai dil
kyun apane aap se khafa khafa jara jaraasa naaraaj hai dil

yeh manjilein bhi khudahi tay kare, yeh faasalein bhi khudhi tay kare
kyu toh rasto pe phir seham seham sanbhal sanbhal ke chalta hai ye dil
kyun khoye khoye chaand ki firaaq mein talaash mein udaas hai dil

jindagi sawaalon ke jawaab dhudnein chali
jawaab mein sawaalon ki ik lambi si ladi mili
sawaal hi sawaal hain sujhti nahi gali
ke aaj haath thaamlo ik haath ki kami ?khali
ji mein aata hai murda sitaare noch loon
idhar bhi noch loon, udhar bhi noch loon
ek ? jikr kya
main saare noch loon
main saare noch loon
idhar bhi noch loon, udhar bhi noch loon
sitaare noch loon main saare noch loon
idhar bhi noch loon, udhar bhi noch loon
sitaare noch loon main saare noch loon
kyun tu aaj itna vaishi hai, mijaaj mein majaaj hai ai gam-e-dil
kyun apane aap se khafa khafa jara jaraasa naaraaj hai dil
yeh manjilein bhi khudahi tay kare, yeh faasalein bhi khudhi tay kare
kyu toh rasto pe phir seham seham sanbhal sanbhal ke chalta hai ye dil
kyun khoye khoye chaand ki firaaq mein talaash mein udaas hai dil

dil ko samajhaana keh do kya aasaan hai
dil ko fitrat se sunlo na beimaan hai
yeh khush nahi jo mila, bas maangata hi hai chala
jaanata hai har lagi ka dard hi hai bas ik sila
jab kabhi yeh dil laga dard hi hamein mila
dil ki har lagi ka sunlo dard hi hai ik sila
jab kabhi yeh dil laga dard hi hamein mila
dil ki har lagi ka sunlo dard hi hai ik sila
kyun naye naye se dard ki firaaq mein talaash mein udaas hai dil

(kyun apane aap se khafa khafa jara jaraasa naaraaj hai dil
yeh manjilein bhi khudahi tay kare, yeh faasalein bhi khudhi tay kare
kyu toh rasto pe phir seham seham sanbhal sanbhal ke chalta hai ye dil
kyun khoye khoye chaand ki firaaq mein talaash mein udaas hai dil) *

Monday, November 24, 2008

I'm Still Waiting.... I'll Wait till You are Ready...I Am Your Bosom Friend.. Won't force You The Way World Does!!!

I'll Wait and Will Keep Understanding Those Silences That Speak Tongue Of Your Heart!!




Aaha !!! how light i am feeling today. Nanny wants to talk. How it hurts me to see her getting frozen behind her fake smile. I used to think what should i do.. do i need to force her and make her realize that girl you are losing yourself somewhere.... damn you need to think something about yourself... she said, i need to talk.. lot has been pent up.. and i was so damn happy.. i went down to her place in hope that she will speak up this time..... but, again i sensed the very second i stepped foot in her room .. that she is till not ready... i waited patiently .. and watched her fading smile now and then and see the plight couldn't say anything.... since she is not the one who can be handled this way.. a very soft china piece her heart is....

I have been missing her badly.. and knew she misses too but do not say anything.. i can never forget these words of hers .. though i waited for them since long but honestly i didn't like them.. i felt a pain.. deep down in the dark recesses of my heart....

Nanny:::: Missing u sweetie!
U always complain dat i dun shatre.
Not dat i dun want 2 or deres nothin 2 tel u.
On d contrary deres so much stored up in me.
U hv no idea.
I rem u writing in 1 of ur mails dat u wr losing urself.
Wel my dear i hv already LOST myself!
I hv bn waiting since long nanny. ::::Nicky
I luv u so much tht it hrts me seeing u
freezing bhnd ur smile


Nanny:::: Its not like i neva tried.
But jus cudnt bring myself 2 talk ever
Sumthin dat ws so integral 2 me has become d most diff thing.
But i wanna let go now.



I wll cm dwn to Siliguri ::::Nicky
if u say yes 1nc
if u say u want to talk

Hey Rakhi

Ohh dear i know what you have been through. But, i can just imagine and understand . You are the one going through that turmoil . I know what kind of stage you have been through.. Let me be your companion dear. let me listen to you.. you need that.. this is the reason why i have been desperate to get someone for you.... you know nanny it happens we need someone to listen to us... and mostly someone who can listen to those silences that will be rendered meaningless otherwise...

Man say that they are simple and have no complex characters. But, they don't know what kind of feeling it is to have a companion .. i think they know.. all this but as it is a patriarchal society .. they are bred that way.. it's in the very roots that men are bound to think that they are not complex like we women and do not wail or cry like us... but once broken they shatter the way women can never and that time it's the women who can heal their broken being... nurturer.... mother by essence..and this is the fact they keep on negating till the day they broke.. and every man breaks once in the lifetime.. after all a mortal soul can endure how much.....it needs solace..... ask them how it feels to lie your tired head on a bosom... and they will fall short of words... they glide into a sleep that relaxes and rejuvenates their spirit..

Don't led yourself to such a stage when you will not be able to handle yourself......

Do You remember Goblin Market?




Sunday, November 23, 2008

A New Beginning

Not bad, though generating negative responses still it's a beginning after all. May be i can reach some point where there will be sweet music flowing from every word i scribble. But, i am not here to make music or please someone. I'm here to write whatever comes in my mind so that nothing goes unrecorded in this lifetime. Let my progeny have all the accounts of my life with them . I may not turn to become someone big shot with great social profile. I'll be something at least!

Last night when i closed my eyes to this world i felt something going moist deep down in the chores of my heart. There was someone crying bitterly to come up to the surface and breath easy. Why isn't that breathing easy? What's the matter? What ails thee?

I usually notice myself humming that song... "main zindagi ka sath nibhata chala gaya/main fikra ko dhuen mein udata chala gaya/barabdiyon ka shok manana fizul tha/ barbadiyon ka jashn manata chala gaya."

One day i got tired of humming this song anymore since nothing seems to work out . I was losing myself and losing all those beautiful moments that could have been lived happily without much tensions brewing up in my mind.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm Tired But I'm Not Exhausted Still





What a waste.. haah i just love wasting myself .. sometimes for diamond and sometimes for dust.. but i am too much into wasting myself.. and this time I'm tired but I'm not exhausted still... it's my wild wild moods.. I'm in one of those moods when i feel like flinging the damned me off the cliff... aaha but i don't get that .. here at least in Delhi.... :(( no cliff... lolzzzz!!!..

they dread my mood swings... but know what i fret from myself.. lolzzz!!!.. laugh it off.. scorn it off.. but it remains.. it's so still like a eternal curse.. but i always take it as a blessing... me .. my utter insolence... ain't i a pert chirrup baby!!!!!!!?????????

I am what i am... what a phrase... deify or defy .... none .. may be...

I crave.. i crave for something to fill me up to the throat lest I'll go insane again. Why this again? I thought i have gained knack over my impatience and unwarned of longings. Desire to be free. I'm feeling that I'm being shackled. Thousands of stupid & silly norms are scoffing me- gibing at my helplessness. How to survive i need a break! Why the damned i am helpless? I'm going to take a big leap this time. Is everybody around prepared? As if i care? yeah! i do care that' why this thought had its way in my out of control mind. First let me ask myself. Am i prepared ? I am not. I have never been prepare for anything except one. And, that one is not yet in my reach.. it's ba far off dream then why worry over it and crib over its coming too late to me.. let it be. I have to be contented with what i can get hold of now and what i can create now.

I'll do something that can help me elevate this frustration, this tension building up in my my mind and heart. It's going to be my ruin. If this energy won't get directed properly then I'll go mad. I will put it to a good use this time.
  • Wind up backlog
  • Get hold of some theatrics
  • Try getting through audition of Gandharva Vidhyalaya ( and i feel i will get through, though I'm not into it much now still i know my potential of expressing varied emotions via dancing)
  • Find out where i can go for violin classes
  • Try out some language
  • Will clear MA(definitely- got to have that screwed up degree anyhow- the signifier of me being an intellectual.. lolzzzz!!!!)
  • Got to do some serious writing this time.. it's high time babes and if not now then never.. remember this works..

I'll do all what i wished or dreamt of.. but if i go far off then who is to be blamed.. my spirit that knows no bounds when once let loose.. who will put reins to it again.. if not i.. cuz I'm not going to do this time.. I'll let myself loose.. loose like air... loose like water.. I'm those element that cannot be restrained with prowess other then the "Self" ... the invincible "Self"...

But, now i have a desire to show what a wild creature i can be.. how crazy i can be.. and what mad end i can drive things to.... Game....... Lost game has to be retrieved... Lost game has to be revived and put to the fore .. where are the dices... I'll play a wildest turn .....

This heart wishes for nothing.. nothing just solace.. that no one is letting me have.. times are against me.. my wishes.. and i have nothing to make things as per my wishes... I wished for just a solace to my tired and exhausted spirit.. and , now i have understood well, asking is of no avail.. let it be then .. let me be a spirit of air.. let me spirit of water.. bore me off.. away away..

Tears.. these silly creatures are just not in my control... have to trickle down my eyes and drop down to my heart.. but i really am not in need of consolation.. why don't they understand... they understand that's why they are there.......I'll not let anybody read me this time.. i'll not let anybody know what 'm ranting on...

If anybody asks me what thee Nicky.. what should i say... it's my heart that ails me.. it's my heart .. it's my small wishes that tortures me to such an extent that i go insane....

I keep contradicting myself with every thought.. aahaa .. my old self... I'll dance to Your tunes once again... I wish i could have a dance partner who can make me go mad with the soul wrenching moves....that ultimate orgasm.... you being the ultimate musician and you being the ultimate dancer.. you will be my partner one day.... may be that won't be a mortal day... but that will be a day.... and I'll not stop.. I'll swirl.. that day my world will gyrate around you.....

One day I'll give myself to You.. or You will take me up...??? That day will be my world's end.....Or my journey back home.. and Home is where You are.....If You are the home then why I'm here... why 'm being inflicted so much pains.. why You made my heart this way.... why You did this to me? Why always you keep fighting with me when i keep listening to You.... ? Had i been unruly for You then tell me.. Had i been disobedient to You.. no .. never... it' You who keep troubling me.. What i asked You.. or do i need to ask for things again and again.. when You already know what i want...

..........................................................................................................................................................................

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

VOID


I don't know why I'm feeling a void in me. It's as if something is lost. I keep searching in and out and do not get anything...May be i know but am not ready to accept it.. yeah this is true. most of the time i am not ready to accept reality...

Sonu wants to get settled.. wants to get married.. do not feel like living alone anymore... she is tired of running and seeing the world all alone.. she is tired of loving things and enjoying life alone... she is tired of an empty space in bed beside her.... she wants to have an arm under her head in night.. she wants to get cuddled when in dreams... she wanted to nestled in some strong arms and forget daily woes.. she wants to care for someone.. live for someone.. tend to someone's needs......cook for someone and tantalize the taste buds... aahaaa!!.. what a beauty lies in femininity... she has multiple roles in one single minute.... with one person.. she lives manifolds life...

I know this is not strange stuff.. it's the time when she should get settled.. i could sense that intensity and urgency.. in her voice today.. the way she said,"Prachi, i want to get married, it's really good in old days people used to marry their daughter's off in time at least they were spared from these lonely pangs...pains of this yearning........"

I know not honey what you spoke of.. and if i know I'm not going to keep thinking of this.. lest my ruin is almost reached.... you don't know what i'm struggling with....

What should i say.. what i want.. i said no.. my case is little opposite.. i don't want to get settled.. she felt me sounding strange.. just-not-me kind of things i uttered... but.. i had no other option... why this happens... girls come to know that it's time to get settled.. and guys don't.. well ... i have no clue.. and if i have then also i won't pronounce it in any case...

Nanny too needs someone to hold on to.. someone who can think of her and be with her...

And, I'm the lucky one... :) !!!!!!!!!! ???????????????

A yearning to not be alone while walking.. a yearning to not to be alone while it's raining.... a yearning to not to be looking blank when you want to look up to..... a yearning to be yearned for.....

life is a game and play it.. life is an ice cream so eat it before it melts... life is a cycle ride it... life is a riddle solve it......

Life is what? haaah.. i have been through thousand many definitions.. and some kiddish ones just spelled few lines before(life is....so ... it)


Life is a passion.. a desire.. a longing... a wish.... a dream.. a mystery... a fantasy..... a nightmare........ A VOID ..............how to fill it???

Monday, November 17, 2008

Few Abstractions....





I am what i don't look like.. i don't speak like.. but what i write like....what i read like... what i feel like.... what i love like..... I'm Amor... and see the way i love.. and you will know what i am....... and only whom i love knows what i am.. lest the world is already a gone case... ohh me .. noway!!! .. i'm the one who lives in smoke... and will be gone like smoke....

don't teach me.. i came unscathed with knowledge..... and will go unscathed with it...... I'm no civilized.. and will never love to be so......Life is for living and I'll have to live as long as I'm ordained to.. have to do some important tasks.. I'm being ordered to fulfill certain duties.. i have been given a set of rules... my blood has some tint of that old worn out tradition... and have to bear the baggage till my last breath.. the baggage of mortality...

I'm a woman and I'll always be a woman.. and will always be there to fulfill all the duties assigned to me.. I'm earth.. will bear fruits of mankind.. bring forth progeny of mankind with its own seed.....I'm a mother will prune the plants and make them stand erect and stalwart....

Thanks for everything you gave me...






Life has always been interesting to me and seems it's going to be more soon... as i see some turbulences going on .... something.. some change is going to take place in my mood this year.. aaha a long awaited thing... i love to change.. i love to be different.. i love to be what no one can ever be.. wayward.. gypsy.... not heeding to life still staying with it all the time.. my life.. my God.. my Books... my Love... my wishes... my dreams... my thoughts... my insanity.... my whims... are my constant companion.. and still i look for some solace... like a seamen who travels and unravels the vast horizons and fathom the depths of oceans.. and still feels thirsty for some more.....

I'm in a temper when my heart want to sway with every music... tap my feet to beats.... fly... and dance in the air.... float with water.... like a leaf fallen from its branch and travel far far regions..... like a canoe drifted with wind ...... all alone in the sea... with waters green... green green green.... with sky pink... pink pink pink... with earth.... blue.... blue blue blue.....

Let me do something before another season dawns upon me...... it's winter... when i can again place my cheeks against cold wall and feel that winter is here.... when i can walk with watery eyes..... chill that froze my senses...... i would like to have some beautiful gloves this year... and will buy boots... gonna shed some kilos... and flaunt myself to the heaven above.....see Lord what plans i have for this winter.. I'm planning.. can You believe this... it's too good to be true.. that Nicky is planning.. yes I'm indeed.. and I'm going to tell You what my plans are this winter...

Love me for being naughty again.... but i want to relive few moments that i spent with myself few years back.... want to reiterate some forgotten plans.. and motives.... whims.. and dreams... and fulfill them... color the things in bright hues..... in hues very imaginative.. in hues very new... in hues very loving.... in hues that are very me.... true to me.. true to what Nicky is....

down the memory lane.... few years back... Ii loved what all was pink.... I, now, am loving what all is of hues very sweet.. delicious.... aahaa......

I dare You.... and i dare my stars... this is what You have always been asking for... lo here i give this to You... You come along when i set off. lest You will lose me.... buy do not worry I'll be back .. back with life... of new colors....

Ohhhhh I Love You... I have always Loved You...I am in Love with You once more with fresh vigor and colors of course!!.....

I Love You Lord......Thanks for bringing me forth!!!... :).....Thanks for being my constant companion!!!...... :)........ Thanks for sending him back...... Thanks for blessing us.. i know You are Happy too... aaha here goes this tear trickling down to my cheeks .. to my lips.. and wishing him world's all happiness.... keep him happy always.... he loves You too... he believes in You..... Let my all happiness... my goodies be his.... I don't need anything... just make him happy always.... And, You know what..... I belong to him.. You told me.. but i fought with You that day... but, now I'm happy that You were right and I acted silly in not believing in You... Hey Hey Hey... no more silly talks... Got some work to do....

Love You loadzzz.....!!!!!
May his life be bed of roses....... and I'll prick thorns with my hands if there will be any!!...

Hasta la vista





Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Love Conquers All!!!!





"No life could be imagined without you..... the day i met you.. my being was ordained for you..... my being alive.. my very existence is for you.... whatsoever be the circumstances.. whatsoever be the demands of time...... every breath i take is for you....... and is to serve you.. to love you....."

"You know what.... you are the essence of my life.. and now i have no existence without you.... my love is such that I'm happy even if I'm reduced to mere your shadow and nothing of my own.... i wish.. once in life.. even if it is when I'm gone you shall know... you should understand in real sense.... how much i loved you....."

"One day I'll be proved right.... that there is nothing above Love.... even my dust.... will beckon your senses..... I'll be guarding you even after my death...... "

what a life.. dust full of expectations.... i have herd many people saying that when we run after something it runs away faster than us.. and we stop and forget about it completely it comes back in full swing... aaahh!!....

one sentence.. just one word.. that tone has changed meaning of life for me within a fortnight.....it reduced me to just 'you'.. an entity out of him... external to his flesh and blood... an entity that belongs to him but is not him... is still external / foreign..... who is nothing just a relation.... i am hurt... shall i say so.. naah.. I'm not.... and what if i am.. no use to be hurt coz this time there would be no balm on it... and the wound go dry after some time....

You know what.. You listening to me.. ... do listen tonight got to talk to You.... You have always been so partial ... Always favoring everybody out there except me.. me who has always given You a status of living... and still You keep deceiving me.. what kind of test You always put me through.. don't do this to me.. over and again.... Why this.. I'm hurt .. it's no mortal but You and only You.. who keeps hurting me.. aah i see.... now You have started taking pleasure out of this game .. right.. .. but this game has always one turn Which You are supposed to play and i have no chance at all.. Your game.. and i have become Your favorite doll- toy...

just one sentence shattered my dreams.. my hopes.. my feelings.. broke my castle... and reduced everything to ashes... set me apart from him.. why don't You let me live in my deceptions... why need reality......

He has made me realize something which i would have never accepted in my whole life knowingly..... that me n him are two separate beings... i considered him as my alter ego and put him first in everything be it personal or professional..... and today his simple words told me who am i , where i stand.. and what's my position.... and not to move from there....

My Fault completely... that i troubled him like that last night....that's why he said so.. it doesn't matter what he said . what mattered was the implication.... his saying made me feel that i and he are two separate beings and i stand nowhere when it comes to what all is his.......

Why i loved him like this.. but i did nothing intentionally.. it's just very involuntary that he became everything to me in this world.....love never expects then why i am hurt....why i am sad when i never expected.. when i am not supposed to expect....I'm mere mortal... Lord.. save me.. spare me this time.. please i won't be able bear this dear Father...


I need time... i really need some time... though it would be strenuous to me.. only... yet i need time for myself.. to take myself away.... so that i can forget this night.....

I may be wrong as usual.. but the very essence of statement shuddered my whole spirit.. he didn't understood .. he couldn't sense the love in those words of mine and the way he reverted was too much for me.... i couldn't handle... i will never forget that tone.....I'm sorry for myself.. 'm sorry for everything......

" for me what matter is your love.. you cannot sense it.... but one day you will feel it so intensely that you will yearn.... to be what i have been for you.. and I'll be no more......"
"My fault lies in loving you spiritually.... my love has unintentionally made you my God... my conscience.. with whom i conduct silent communions .... i have stopped considering you as a lover.. and instead have become lover and worshiper .... and being mortal ...blundered to expect same selflessness..... from you.. this is where my fault lies...... You have become my holy commandment..... but being a true lover.. i shouldn't have expected anything from.. you.. this is the mistake i committed....."

Tag Complete.....ahha!! :)

1


Here I am being tagged... so … got to follow the trope…


8 Things I Am Passionate About


Life:
I'm so damn crazy about this phenomenon that even the tortures inflicted by it seems to me the part of my whole self. I love everything it has to give me... pains/ tortures/smiles/ laughter/love/ anguish/ disappointments/ heart failures/ friendships/relations/ heart-ties/ and whatever it has to offer.

Deepak: Curse me... ridicule me... love me... hate me… avoid me… cut me...I’m yours my Lord!.. It’s not love of my physical self... it's the love of my spiritual self that has bowed down in front of you...and will always be like that in love of yours until my whole self including the very flesh on my mortal skin gets consumed in what is you.... spirit...

Water: Ohh!! I just love being in water... If I see someone drinking water i feel as if i missed something and rush to get it for me.. I have a wish to get my self loosened in the middle of water and let my body float with its flow... It feels so good when rain drop trickles down from my hair to eyes to cheeks to my lips to my neck and then losing itself in the folds of my bosom.. aah what a bliss!!..

Literature: It can be of anykind.. I can digest… My tryst with literature has changed my whole self in such a revolutionary way that I know no more who I am... or may be now I know more than anyone else can ever know who I am...ahaaa typical of me..

Writing: Communion with Almighty above and me on earth… the only way I talk with myself... and about myself.. so writing is flesh and blood to me..

Dresses: I'm crazy for different attires... from gowns to rags... haaha just let my stay upon any.. and i have to have that...such liquefied my body becomes that it fits into everything that fits into my eyes.... getting my point...if not then I'm not surprised at all!!..

Owning a cottage near riverside just below the dark mountains... somewhere isolated from the hubbub... I’ll call it a home... NICKY' ABODE… I’ll put two wicker chairs outside and one lantern… and will read some novel when dusk falls… sunset… brimming with love… and engulfing me in it…

Walking: I just love walking… walking down the green patch… on wet green grass... on long winding roads of hilly regions.... long lanes of metro cities....walking.. "Pretty woman walking down the street... :)"... "Come down lover's lane to walk with me... to talk with me..."


8 Books I Can Read Over And Again… And Will Read Them To My Life Partner As Well

The Shadow Lines- Amitav Ghosh
Gora- Rabindranath Tagore
Heart of the Darkness- Joseph Conrad
Love in the time of Cholera- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
One hundred years of solitude-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Gone with the wind- Margaret Mitchell
Adhe Adhure (The halfway house)-play- Mohan Rakesh
Metamorphoses-Ovid

8 Songs That Will Never Make Me Go Mad….

Koi roko na deewane ko dil machal raha kuch gane ko.....
Humne dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehakti khushbu Kahamoshi (Classic)
Aapki nazron ne samjha pyaar ke kabil mujhe… Anpadh
Kitna pyar karte hain tumhe sanam... Banaras
Pretty woman... Roy Orbison-
Dil hai chota sa choti si aasha... Roja
Aane do paas aane toh do… Kuch meetha ho jaye(Thumri- classical music)
Bheegi bheegi raaton mein fir tum aao na….Barsat-Adnan Sami

8 Important Elements In My Life

Five elements to sustain human life- Earth/Water/Fire/Air/Ether (Sky)
And apart from those five elements… the remaining three are
Love, Rationality, Ingenuity…

8 Things I Say Most

Sometimes I wonder……At times I wonder… I wonder….
Alright!
Sure!
Haan ji…!
Aan haan…!
Bataun kya abhi….
Arrey…!
Kya dikkat hai koi dikkat nahin hai....!

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die…

Keep fighting and knowing this foe/ friend- ‘unrelenting “Self”’
Dance nude under the moonshine…
See North Pole
Be a translator of Sanskrit into English
Read Books I have slotted for lifetime
Tell him that I have loved Him more than my own “self”…
Let my body lose in the middle of water…
Be his Soul mate… Ardhangini…in complete sense.. and give him world's all happiness

Now... I love this.... aahaa!!!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Nicky... and her Love...



Beautiful .. is the word... i can think of for this movie.. i wish i could have seen this in 2005...then i would have had some more moments to cherish....

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time(until the end of time)

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, Oh I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day


Know not why you wanted me to see this.. but now i know how painful it is to let go of someone who has changed the course of your life ...life becomes such a burden that each passing day reminds of even a fraction of second passed together..... and there is no end to life of waiting...... we keep waiting.... and time keeps fleeing.....


It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I'm not one of those, who can easily hide,
I don't have much money, But boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live.

If I was a sculptor, but then again no,
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know its not much, but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done,
I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

I sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss
Well some of these verses, well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song,
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world


If you could have sung few lines like these to me.. i would have stopped there and then .. such a flimsy mind i had in those days.. i believed in fairies.. who come in night and illumine your room with dazzling stars.. i would have trusted you.. since you were too a fairy creature to me in those days...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Live life like there is no tomorrow.......!!!!!!


The moment that left a beautiful imprint on my heart!!!


I'm happy.. i don't know how to surmise in words what i am feeling now.. God has been so kind to me.. no more wishes.. for this month ;)... thank you Lord for everything.

I am falling short of words to tell you or to express my happiness.. my soul is at peace.. this is what all i can say..... i kept looking at my finger long after ring ceremony.. i couldn't believe my eyes.. you know what when he slid ring in my finger i looked at him so intensely.. as if he is some ethereal being sitting in front of me..

I wonder what he felt that moment.. may be he had no time to feel anything since he was so occupied with his kith and kin...but i was not... he was the sole center of my attention.... this was not a social gathering for me.. this was the precious day in my life..... though my love is not dependent on any social ceremony or ritual .. but this ring is something he adorned me with.. so very precious...

I know what I seek for is yet too far from me.. and will always be.... since what i wish for is not possible at least in this lifetime.. and i have no patience to long for another when I'm not sure of my wish being granted.... so of no avail...I live for today.. for this moment .. the moment I am breathing in.. so I am going to live this at its best... will cherish its memories... make it mine like one flesh and blood.. will seize this moment and surrender to its joys and sorrows...

That's why i call this life....carpe diem... "seize the day"...... "remember we die"

Horace... the great master of past says in one of his odes... carpe diem...seize the day... do not trust in future.....memento mori.....

Tu ne quaesieris, scire nefas, quem mihi, quem tibi Leuconoe, don't ask — it's a sin to know —
finem di dederint, Leuconoe, nec Babylonios what end the gods will give me or you. Don't play with Babylonian
temptaris numeros. ut melius, quidquid erit, pati. fortune-telling either. It is better to endure whatever will be.
seu pluris hiemes seu tribuit Iuppiter ultimam, Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters or this final one
quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicibus mare which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the rocks placed opposite
Tyrrhenum: sapias, vina liques et spatio brevi — be smart, drink your wine. Scale back your long hopes
spem longam reseces. dum loquimur, fugerit invida to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled
aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.


Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future.
Ode 11-Horace(Book I)

Don't ask(we may not know), Leuconoe,
What the god plan for you and me.
Leave the Chaldees to parse
The sentence of the stars

Better to bear the outcome, good or bad,
Whether Jove purposes to add
Fresh winters to the past
Or to make this the last

Which now tires out the Tuscan sea and mocks
Its strength with barricades of rocks.
Be wise, strain clear the wine
And prune the rambling vine.

Of expectation. Life's short. Even while
We talk, Time, hateful, runs a mile.
Don't trust tomorrow's bough
For fruit, Pluck (carpe) this, here, now(diem).