Saturday, June 14, 2008

i have to talk to you.. i can't help..

There are things that i want to tell you.. i want to say.. "don't keep that phone down even for a sec"..."don't disconnect".. why, why is it that theses words keep stuck in my throat and i feel like crying.. my heart wrenches. i want to tell you please do keep on talking to me.. don't go away.. i feel so scared.. so insecure..
but my rational part says.." Nicky u being so kiddish.. he has lots of things to do.. lots of important tasks to accomplish"..
"am i not important then..
"ohh this argument... why don't you understand..
" i do. but i don't want to.."
"then alrite keep on fighting lets c how far u'll go with all this too melodramatic stuff"
".. aah how bad of u.. to behave so indifferently with me.. when u are the only one whom i can talk to in a time of distress."
what a lovely and funny sight i make while arguing like this.. and it's not in your matter alone.. it's always.. in loadzz of things.. when my heart and head moves apart and start fighting..
but the most important thing is i don't know how to say "i'm hurt".. though i'm saying this right now.. but not when it is required that is when i'm supposed to tell it.. aah i go blank..
i sent card to you.. and i was not getting how to ask- "did u see that?".. what a fool of me.. i was waiting waiting.. n waiting but .. u didn't say anything.. and i didn't ask you..
i knew you were offline still i messaged you.. i asked "did u see card".. cuz that time you were not there.. how queer.. it is..
But then you know i can not hide anything.. either this way or that i have to blurt and same i did.. but but but.. again i was not able to come up with the thing-"i'm hurt"
.. and what you think i'm doing right at this moment.. i'm trying to say that i was hurt.. when you said.. " tell me something which you said and worked" i was aghast.. i really was at the verge of going numb.. when you- in all of the world asked me such thing.. i's stupefied.. this man.. oh my god..whom i showed my soul naked is saying this.. i really felt bad.. but truth is always bitter.. and i have to accept it.. i never accomplished anything in my life .. and i have nothing to feel proud of .. on myself..

....mujhe gham hai ke maine zindagi main
kuch nahin paya.. ye gham dil se nikal jaye
agar tum milne aa jao...

{ you must be thinking what a big drama i'm.. and good at changing the topic :)}

Ankhiyon ke jharokhon se maine dekha jo sanwre
tum dur nazar aye badi dur nazar aye
band karke jharonkhon ko jara baithi jo sochne
man mein tumhi muskae man mein tumhi muskae

ek man tha mere paas wo ab khone laga hai
pakar tujhe hai mujhe kuch hone laga hai
ek tere bharose pe sab baithi hun bhool ke
yunhi umra guzar jaye tere sath guzar jaye

jeeti hun tumhe dekhke marti hun tumhi pe
tum ho jahan sajan meri duniya hai wahin pe
din raat dua mange mera man tere waste
kabhi apni umeedon ka koi phool na murjhaye..

main jabse tere pyar ke rangon mein rangi hun
jagte hue soyi rahi neendon mein jagi hun
mere pyaar bhare sapne kahin koi na cheen le
man soch ke ghabtaye yahi soch ke ghabraye

ankhiyon ke jharonkon se
maine dekha jo sanwre tum dur nazar aye badi dur nazar aye