Sunday, June 29, 2008
Deepak you are so special to me . Actually, 'm wrong! how can you be special to me since for this you have to be a being separate from me and you are "one with me". And, similarly there is one more thing in this whole world other than you which is as close to me as you are-"My Seclusion."
I do talk to my friends and i really talk anything with them. I have no problem with that. But, there are some things that i can not tell them, share with them, and be what I'm in real with them as I'm with you and with My Seclusion. My Seclusion is what i love to be, do, have, own, and love to be with. there are moments when i clean my room, draw the curtains, lit the lamp, spread my books, my cards, my small small acquisitions, and read things i love to read and re-read. In these moments i talk to someone ethereal-someone who is a non-existent entity- who is mine and knows me from the moment when my mum conceived me. This particular phase is of a trance and i want you to be part of it. May be you are not getting what i mean to say or what m asking for. you might be thinking what a trivial thing i asked you that is just to be with me. No, if you understood this , you are wrong . I've asked you -"You from you." I may be sounding crazy. But i want whole of you. I want even that part of you of which you yourself are not aware of.
I want you Physically, Emotionally, Socially, and above all Spiritually
Since morning i have been trying to avoid this state of my mind but it was of no avail and i succumbed to its temptation with the fall of dusk. i was surrounded by my books, my diaries, small paper chits with some of my observations written on them, paper cuttings, magazines, paper bags of different sizes ( Oh! how crazy 'm for them. I just love buying and owning paper bags), greeting cards, post cards (One of my passions) folders, (handicraft, plastic and paper), and several other small small pretty useless stuff but of great worth and value to me. Everything has some memory/ some event/ some feeling attached to it.
I wanted to share this mood with you but you were not available and i felt disheartened since i was so eager to share this phase of my mood with you. But, no worries. You were genuinely engaged in some important matter so not angry with you. Just little melancholic about it. That's it. i get transported to a very serene and beautiful world where i no more feel pain/sadness and not even i feel elated.. i'm just calm.. soothed down.. my spirit is at rest.
My soul becomes poetic, (though, still fails to create some beautiful verses), my spirit dances to its own beautiful and enchanting tune in circles...