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Monday, July 14, 2008

Angst....

My love hurts more than it soothes someone.. how to make myself better... ain't i better? seriously? How come?..

I love like as if i want every breathe for me.. how can it be possible.. shame on me.. to make someone so insecure.. so terrified.. to make someone cry... love is not meant for crying.. but i cry for those whom i love and make them cry.. when they fail to understand what i wanted to convey.. i can not voice out.. but every statement of mine.. every anguished word.. every indirect comment or taunt shouts.. screams and says one and only one thing "i love you and this is how i love, you are mine and no one else's .. " mum.. you are mine and belong only to me.. How torned i feel when you give special attentions to someone.. i don't hate the person.. i hate you for bestowing your cares and attentions on the person.. i hate you for this.. and this hate is the extreme of my love.. my feeling for you.. do you understand...? it's not me who is at fault .. it's you who is at fault.. you made me like this .. you gave birth to me.. what can i do if i'm this way.. i knew..... this will happen nobody will be able to bear with me.. nobody could tolerate this .. the idea of extreme love and passion is really romantic but it becomes a dread.. when it hinders your personal life.. and your freedom.. and i think this is what happens.. i start interfering with personal lives.. this is too bad of me..

I never want to hurt someone.. just want to make the other person feel the love i bear in my heart.. i'll come running from my death-bed.. if you'll call once.... i know i want to mingle and become one flesh and blood.. but it's not possible at least till we are locked up in this mortal frame....
I'm feeling bad for her.. .. why You keep on doing this.. don't You feel bad.. how ruthless You act at times.. Please.. put some sense in her head and tell her that if you won't respect yourself , no one will ever.. you are the most important being .. don't let anyone take advantage of your goodness.. No man is ever bigger than the truth.. Plato once said.. surmount the fear and fight out the humiliation and respect your self esteem, dignity and happiness... this is what all i can say..
And, You please try helping.. lest.. 'm poor in front of You.. i cannot say anything to You but yeah i can be sad and angry with You..You reading na...