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Friday, August 1, 2008

Nicky......


I am happy.. why, i don't think so i need to tell You..

You know there was a time i was nothing and my mind scape was bleak.. nothing existed except chandamama, Nandan and Alice in the wonderland..(By the way Johnny Depp is going to be Mad Hatter of Alice in the Wonderland Whoa!!Man!!... He was amazing in Pirates and now .. Alice...)

Back to where i left.... i had a copy of Dutch Fairy Tales.. i borrowed it from Pinku's friend.. and read it.. each page .. every syllable.. many times...
i used to sit on stairs outside my drawing room.. in veranda.. staring at sky.. and believe me.. i waited long long hours for some fairy to pass by.. and talk to me.. for a while..

Phew!! none came my way.. like Wordsworth's solitary reaper i wandered in lonely fields when mum was in India and i with Papa and Pinku in Nepal..those were also the days.. nobody to say have lunch.. nobody to say study.. nobody to say keep yourself clean..
Daily after showers i used to dress up in the best dress and pick my landlords' cycle and head on to some long lonely ride.. crossing my mango garden ("Aam Bagaincha").. towards.. the long road that took to some interior villages of Biratnagar.... aah the name of the place slipped off my memory... i'll try to recall....
No friends ... no acquaintances.. seriously .. i mean God.. i had nobody to talk to.... sounds queer to me too.. but... this is the reality..
and i had no problem with it.. at times i used to get little disturbed why i have no friends.. and then same self analysis... which was in fact a torture that i used to inflict on myself.. am i not good to look at.. ? may be 'coz i don't know how to speak Nepali...? May be... i don't have much to talk about..? may be 'm a moron.. baaah. heights man..
I used to imagine a beautiful home .. home that some English picture books show.. yeah the same exactly.. Mother, Father, brother and sister living happily in a small but beautiful house.. have i ever had a house.. yes i had.. Dilshad Colony.. where did it go then.. Lost..
After leaving Dilshad Colony.. once again i was in the throes of loneliness.. i lost my companion..Trishna.. what a pity.. this was the signal of the appending doom...... my seclusions have always been disastrous to me..
i want to write something.. i'm trying to write that but..
something in me desists me from penning that down... will try next time...

I can write.. 'm writing.. i will write...
i have a saga of love.. of desolation.. of dejection.. of remorse.. of unforgotten places.. and tales and people...will be homer to tell you... :)