Monday, August 18, 2008

It's a thread..

One of my fav pastime is to figure out what i stand for.. and what 's the purpose of my existence and do i really need these answers or its just whim triggered by some thought or incident.. but one thing i am so sure is that there is some real meaning hidden behind everyone's existence and that gets revealed gradually as the life gets on..the biggest love is the love for self.. and i am madly in love with myself.. i guard each and every thought, impression, expression, emotion, and relation that i ever came across or felt within me so jealously

It seems to me as if i am dreaming and musing right from the moment of my inception in my mum's womb...
i don't want to achieve anything.. seems i have already done that..
i don't want to show anything..
i don't want to prove anything...
I'm beyond all this..
i'm in quest.. more i get close in getting hold of it, more it gets distanced away...I'm Adamant[:)]

I keep on searching for words.. that can best describe myself.. the day i'll get them.. no more scribbling will be done on this pad...everyone has their own good and bad qualities.. so i do have.. i cannot be you and you cannot be me, why try finding me.... 'm beyond that.. i can't even be touched .. so ephemeral 'm

i have ideas.. vague.. hanging loose in mid air .. ..

First love of my life...

I have been scurrying along things since long time.. it's high time and everything should be manged and streamlined properly... my books have been neglected.. my notes.. are all scattered.. last then last night i had the most dreadful dream of my life.. i saw my register-the long and thick one that has notes of Gulliver's Travels, Heart of Darkness and T. S. Eliot in it completely drenched in water.. i was so horrified.. i woke up shivering from my dream.. and literally cried for so long..
my eyes swelled
just an idea of the register getting ruined.. made me go weak..
i felt i'll get heart-attack..

i cannot imagine to part with my books.. my notes.. how precious they are for me..there are people who keeps guard over their beautiful dreams.. so that nobody can ever harm them.. on contrary i have harmed my self.. i shattered my vision.. into pieces.. and now it's too late to join those broken pieces.. want to start afresh.. may be.. what has ;lost can be retrieved back.. nothing is impossible.. and somehow.. one has to fight back the impositions.. whether by self or others..