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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ohh Lord !what i have done....



..a tear trickled down my cheeks .. numbing my senses.. and singing the saddest song of my life...recalling what all has been locked up long time back in the dungeons of my heart.. but tears swelled up and burst the hymen of secrecy.. and had a release...ripples.. as a pebble thrown into the calm surface of river causes ripples.. so is my soul agitated tonight...

I'm feeling little sad today cuz i really had no idea that i had been posing restrictions on him and he feels dread to voice out his feelings to me. Oh my goodness! what a moron 'm to act such. I have been trying my level best to stay abreast of his professional and student life so that i may not hamper his urgent things at hand.. and he has been getting impression that i'll erupt like a volcano if he needs time to take rest.. 'his own time..' Mercy! he dreads to ask his own time with me.. who am i .. it's his life.. he can do anything he wish for.. may be i have become too nagging lately without even realizing the fact...
I went off guard ohh sad...

You there.. You must have been aware of all this beforehand, why You didn't even bother to warn me... .. and he has been suffering all the time.. You know how much these things hurt me.. i have not been giving him space.... i listened ..not You.. i felt such a shock with what he said.. I mean more than what he said, the tone he had made me feel so embarrassed.. i felt so bad of me.. what a little mean and nasty creature i had become.. for few seconds i was dumbfounded as if some hammer has struck my scalp... and then something inside has been shaken since then.. i know not what.. but after he went to sleep.. i couldn't come to terms with what i have been doing to him unknowingly...

there must be so many things and issues like this one which he had been keeping in his heart due to my dread(shucks! how bad it feels to even pronounce the word.. he dreaded of me.. i have such a bad humor.. ohh Mercy Lord!! You could have forewarned me.. at least.. but , alas You didn't )

I understand now... lot more things that had not been uttered till now.. .. he doesn't say things.. and let himself suffer... { i have been little intruding too theses days.. disappointing him every time.. and that too when he told me in straight terms that day- "I was really disappointed the way you behaved Prachi"--- and Prachi, still didn't rectified what she wronged unintentionally though..} i'll keep check on myself.. and i need to .. it's really damn required thing at this point of time.. I have been showing myself as an obsessive maniac having no self-restraint.. actually i had been little lenient with myself after such a long time.. but i understand and as is evident that it's really not done.

You know how much self-restraint i have and now i'm not going to get myself carried away.. like a dumb ******* High time haan....I'll losses some strings that i have been holding tight to ensure that he may not feel insecure.. but, things have been turning in wrong way things were going contrary .. right under my eyes and i have been sitting like a blind flower girl happy in her fragrant dreams..