Wednesday, November 12, 2008
"No life could be imagined without you..... the day i met you.. my being was ordained for you..... my being alive.. my very existence is for you.... whatsoever be the circumstances.. whatsoever be the demands of time...... every breath i take is for you....... and is to serve you.. to love you....."
"You know what.... you are the essence of my life.. and now i have no existence without you.... my love is such that I'm happy even if I'm reduced to mere your shadow and nothing of my own.... i wish.. once in life.. even if it is when I'm gone you shall know... you should understand in real sense.... how much i loved you....."
"One day I'll be proved right.... that there is nothing above Love.... even my dust.... will beckon your senses..... I'll be guarding you even after my death...... "
what a life.. dust full of expectations.... i have herd many people saying that when we run after something it runs away faster than us.. and we stop and forget about it completely it comes back in full swing... aaahh!!....
one sentence.. just one word.. that tone has changed meaning of life for me within a fortnight.....it reduced me to just 'you'.. an entity out of him... external to his flesh and blood... an entity that belongs to him but is not him... is still external / foreign..... who is nothing just a relation.... i am hurt... shall i say so.. naah.. I'm not.... and what if i am.. no use to be hurt coz this time there would be no balm on it... and the wound go dry after some time....
You know what.. You listening to me.. ... do listen tonight got to talk to You.... You have always been so partial ... Always favoring everybody out there except me.. me who has always given You a status of living... and still You keep deceiving me.. what kind of test You always put me through.. don't do this to me.. over and again.... Why this.. I'm hurt .. it's no mortal but You and only You.. who keeps hurting me.. aah i see.... now You have started taking pleasure out of this game .. right.. .. but this game has always one turn Which You are supposed to play and i have no chance at all.. Your game.. and i have become Your favorite doll- toy...
just one sentence shattered my dreams.. my hopes.. my feelings.. broke my castle... and reduced everything to ashes... set me apart from him.. why don't You let me live in my deceptions... why need reality......
He has made me realize something which i would have never accepted in my whole life knowingly..... that me n him are two separate beings... i considered him as my alter ego and put him first in everything be it personal or professional..... and today his simple words told me who am i , where i stand.. and what's my position.... and not to move from there....
My Fault completely... that i troubled him like that last night....that's why he said so.. it doesn't matter what he said . what mattered was the implication.... his saying made me feel that i and he are two separate beings and i stand nowhere when it comes to what all is his.......
Why i loved him like this.. but i did nothing intentionally.. it's just very involuntary that he became everything to me in this world.....love never expects then why i am hurt....why i am sad when i never expected.. when i am not supposed to expect....I'm mere mortal... Lord.. save me.. spare me this time.. please i won't be able bear this dear Father...
I need time... i really need some time... though it would be strenuous to me.. only... yet i need time for myself.. to take myself away.... so that i can forget this night.....
I may be wrong as usual.. but the very essence of statement shuddered my whole spirit.. he didn't understood .. he couldn't sense the love in those words of mine and the way he reverted was too much for me.... i couldn't handle... i will never forget that tone.....I'm sorry for myself.. 'm sorry for everything......
" for me what matter is your love.. you cannot sense it.... but one day you will feel it so intensely that you will yearn.... to be what i have been for you.. and I'll be no more......"
"My fault lies in loving you spiritually.... my love has unintentionally made you my God... my conscience.. with whom i conduct silent communions .... i have stopped considering you as a lover.. and instead have become lover and worshiper .... and being mortal ...blundered to expect same selflessness..... from you.. this is where my fault lies...... You have become my holy commandment..... but being a true lover.. i shouldn't have expected anything from.. you.. this is the mistake i committed....."
Here I am being tagged... so … got to follow the trope…
8 Things I Am Passionate About
Life: I'm so damn crazy about this phenomenon that even the tortures inflicted by it seems to me the part of my whole self. I love everything it has to give me... pains/ tortures/smiles/ laughter/love/ anguish/ disappointments/ heart failures/ friendships/relations/ heart-ties/ and whatever it has to offer.
Deepak: Curse me... ridicule me... love me... hate me… avoid me… cut me...I’m yours my Lord!.. It’s not love of my physical self... it's the love of my spiritual self that has bowed down in front of you...and will always be like that in love of yours until my whole self including the very flesh on my mortal skin gets consumed in what is you.... spirit...
Water: Ohh!! I just love being in water... If I see someone drinking water i feel as if i missed something and rush to get it for me.. I have a wish to get my self loosened in the middle of water and let my body float with its flow... It feels so good when rain drop trickles down from my hair to eyes to cheeks to my lips to my neck and then losing itself in the folds of my bosom.. aah what a bliss!!..
Literature: It can be of anykind.. I can digest… My tryst with literature has changed my whole self in such a revolutionary way that I know no more who I am... or may be now I know more than anyone else can ever know who I am...ahaaa typical of me..
Writing: Communion with Almighty above and me on earth… the only way I talk with myself... and about myself.. so writing is flesh and blood to me..
Dresses: I'm crazy for different attires... from gowns to rags... haaha just let my stay upon any.. and i have to have that...such liquefied my body becomes that it fits into everything that fits into my eyes.... getting my point...if not then I'm not surprised at all!!..
Owning a cottage near riverside just below the dark mountains... somewhere isolated from the hubbub... I’ll call it a home... NICKY' ABODE… I’ll put two wicker chairs outside and one lantern… and will read some novel when dusk falls… sunset… brimming with love… and engulfing me in it…
Walking: I just love walking… walking down the green patch… on wet green grass... on long winding roads of hilly regions.... long lanes of metro cities....walking.. "Pretty woman walking down the street... :)"... "Come down lover's lane to walk with me... to talk with me..."
8 Books I Can Read Over And Again… And Will Read Them To My Life Partner As Well
The Shadow Lines- Amitav Ghosh
Gora- Rabindranath Tagore
Heart of the Darkness- Joseph Conrad
Love in the time of Cholera- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
One hundred years of solitude-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Gone with the wind- Margaret Mitchell
Adhe Adhure (The halfway house)-play- Mohan Rakesh
8 Songs That Will Never Make Me Go Mad….
Koi roko na deewane ko dil machal raha kuch gane ko.....
Humne dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehakti khushbu Kahamoshi (Classic)
Aapki nazron ne samjha pyaar ke kabil mujhe… Anpadh
Kitna pyar karte hain tumhe sanam...
Pretty woman... Roy Orbison-
Dil hai chota sa choti si aasha... Roja
Aane do paas aane toh do… Kuch meetha ho jaye(Thumri- classical music)
Bheegi bheegi raaton mein fir tum aao na….Barsat-Adnan Sami
8 Important Elements In My Life
Five elements to sustain human life- Earth/Water/Fire/Air/Ether (Sky)
And apart from those five elements… the remaining three are
Love, Rationality, Ingenuity…
8 Things I Say Most
Sometimes I wonder……At times I wonder… I wonder….
Bataun kya abhi….
Kya dikkat hai koi dikkat nahin hai....!
8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die…
Keep fighting and knowing this foe/ friend- ‘unrelenting “Self”’
Dance nude under the moonshine…
See North Pole
Be a translator of Sanskrit into English
Read Books I have slotted for lifetime
Tell him that I have loved Him more than my own “self”…
Let my body lose in the middle of water…
Be his Soul mate… Ardhangini…in complete sense.. and give him world's all happiness
Now... I love this.... aahaa!!!