Thursday, December 18, 2008

Nothing Can Be Done- Go Numb

I can not be happy, i cannot be sad, i cannot be gloom i cannot be enraged. what i can be is just all smiling all gleeful laughing and chirruping like a morning bird who is happy to see the world around and flutter its wings to fly high in the sky. But, i haven't got any wings, I'm an ordinary human who might be having some needs, who might be in need of some solace. Where shall i find it if not in arms of thee? I dare not have my sad moments, i dare not talk what my heart yearns for , dare not be mute when what i utterly need at the time is silence. Phew!! what to do and what not to do? What to be and what not to be? haah like Hamlet- "To be or not to be"- what a dilemma life poses in front of almost every human being!

Be happy and make people around me happy! This is the only work left for me to do now?

Do not be concerned? And , if you are then dare not speak up? Do not be sad, if you are then give reason and if reasoned then forget about the further discussion.... "i have nothing to say, i know you feel like an eternal sufferer and me like bogging you down every time so there is no point discussing things with you". At this retort of yours-aahaa... me chuckle; me quip; me quibble; me laugh; me cry; me weep; me wail; me go dumb; me go into utter silence- an impenetrable sheet of life where nothing just darkness looms-- nothing else ... me go numb!

M.A. Previous- 2006

The most detestable part of this winter is that I have to sit back at home instead of university. In university we used to sit on terrace with tea glasses in hands and sandwiches in between some discussion on Horace’s odes or satires. Oh, the day when we discussed Peloponnesian war, we seriously had a heated argument on what exactly is the purport of Thucydides.

There is always some special memory in your life one that you just love to keep thinking about every now and ten. That makes you cry and yearn for that once again in life. /there are certain moments in your life that you want to relive… and rekindle that fire again.

2006 winters… Me, Shree and Abha used to spend our morning hours right after GC’s lectures on library terrace. There is a small canteen sort of for lib staff where you can have “garam chai” and tomato/onion/chilly sandwiches. Ahaa! The best treat of the world. We used to discuss our lectures, notes, reading, backgrounds, satires, odes, novels, critical theories, literary criticism…

Those corner looks of that lib chap, the way he used to grant useless permissions to take reference books to me because he knew only reference books will keep me sitting in the library. Running back to Patel Chest to get this or that readings xeroxed..." Array bhaiya… kamal kar diyaa apne ab nahin karaungi main aapke pass se photocopy itna bulk mein karwane ke baad bhi you charge 20 paisa per page… make it 18 lest I won’t come here…" hhahah.. And every time I used to go down to Patel chest to get my readings photocopied Uncle Tom’s Maggie was must to have with a banta… university delights…

Bookland, Motilal Banarsidas, Mc Donald's, chache ke bahature- the most frequented places.

Rush to get notes photocopied, attend lectures- especially that of classical literature- GC is just awesome. He infuses life into the dead poets and writers of classical era. It seems as if Sappho would have been alive she must have hugged GC for giving such a brilliant interpretation of her odes… Gautam Chakrabarthy – just a look at him makes you feel that he might be some Greek bard …

Beggar's Opera- i must say.. one of the best play and most discussed over by trio of we girls

Byron- was one of the biggest fascination of that year, i literally read his biographies, and literature simply devoted to him; the biggest of the Casanova of Seventeenth Century, handsome, and charming persona; his biographies and love quests depicts how much Eros favored him most.

Life is like that.. Time keeps changing at its own pace and we humans are left just with the memories of bygone days.

Time is so precious of all the worldly things… it never stops for anyone so live the moment….

Pic: William Hogarth- The Beggar's Opera(John Gay)

Now, all these persons from different ages must be discussed under individual headings...