Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I Stand On Earth- I'm Made Of Clay

I Love and Live;Live and Love

You ask my standing! Where do I stand? I stand on no man’s land where there is no such questions regard my standing. One day I have been asked what you want from your life. What are your aims? What’s your dream? Where do you stand as compared to other sheep of your flock? I was dumbfounded! Questions seemed so meaningless to me. It seemed as if words got dissected into letters and floated on air.

Why there should always be a dream in you life? Why you need a climber to lead your life? Why can’t you just live and enjoy every pulse of it? Why you need to be someone in someone’s eye all the time? Why not breathe freely? Why you have to carry burden of expectations and aspirations over your back and get stooped even before your winters. Aah! Why not human be simple and live simply! Do what you want to do live the way you want to. I was thinking the day I’ll begin living the way I want to what will happen to my family, my love, my friends. I’ll be no more theirs. I’ll be just mine. I am so ruthless when it comes to my own individuality that I forcefully suppressed long time back thinking that it’s no good to be your own. Live in sync with people around you, live with them, share their dreams, share love and cares. And stopped thinking that I want? I want to be independent. Want to live all alone with no burden of love, family, traditions, culture and so on. JUST ME- this is what I want from my life! Am I asking for so much? Yes It’s more than one can ever expect. If I’ll be what I am and what I want then there will be no one else around. I’ll crush very dream, every emotion, and desire of the fellow beings with whom ‘m walking at this moment. And what will remain is successful, ruthless, selfish, dreamy, lonely ME.

No power can ever deter me; nothing can stop me from being what I am. It’s only me who has laid impediments in my own path. Let me be not so brute to take of those impediments. The day I’ll do that you will be regretting the moment you asked for my individuality. I am an extremist- this is what everyone say. Ain’t I ?

I can’t be two at a time. I’m only one entity and can live one life at a time. I will be either I’ll venerate or get venerated. The mad woman in attic! No, but the fiercest wind that makes waves of thousands of oceans hurl like monster- this is what ‘I’- the ruthless, self imposing ‘I’ stands for. Let not ‘I’ stand on its own… Let it be WE lest there will be no meaning left for human existence. Companionship, gregariousness the sin for which Adam fall will be rendered futile.

Self Conquests full of rhetoric has become a part of my being, my existence is nil without these self fought battles. I am what I am and can never be anyone else in my life. I love, I care, and I will die for those who are the heir of my two assets-Love & Care.

I don’t know what’s right or wrong. What I know is simply I love and I want to live. I love my life and people who are one way or other linked to this small world of mine. I want to live. This is my dream. I want to live and let others live. I want to make everyone around me happy- not by materialistic assets of mine but with spirituality that resides in me and you all. Why not share love, smiles, laughter, feelings, emotions, secrets, jests, follies, and huge pack of emotional bundles of which we humans are made of with each other.

I want to do few things in my lifespan before He summons my presence in His court

I want to plant Trees

I want to make Home

I want to get Married

I want to be a Mother

I want to be a Writer

I want to go Kanyakumari

I want to Lie down on wet Soil

I want to build an Old Age Home

I want to Raise at least an Orphan Girl

And, I know I can do and will definitely complete all these tasks that I have assigned to myself in this lifetime. No Pending Work Will Be left.

Sometimes I see myself as a little girl planting daffodils down the hilly slope so that travelers and wayfarers could smile at the world’s beauty even when sun heat is beating them down. I see myself as an old woman watering her trees so that progeny may have the fruits and shade throughout their life. Sometimes I see myself as a busy house lady tiding up her little home so that its inmates may have rest and peaceful life. Sometimes I see myself as a young lady with her locks splayed on her shoulders, specks on her eyes, and pencil in between her fingers and absorbed in some intense reading and writing. Sometimes I see myself as an eternal wanderer with a stick in her hand and a hat on her head and wandering all alone in fields, moors, valleys, and hills- singing aloud some song that her heart is made of.

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