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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Day Begins With You & Ends In You


Morning begins thus:

Nicky: Hey Good Morning Shona

Deep: Good Morning Love

Deep: I Love You

Nicky: I Love You Too Deep

What you had in breakfast?

Deep: I had Papaya+Honey+Almonds Shake

Nicky: Hmm Good!

Deep: At what time you slept?

What you had in dinner?

Nicky: I slept a little early ummm.. aannn.. yeah around 12:30 or so.

Deep: Why Jaan, why can’t you sleep on time? At least for my sake please try sleeping on time. You will degrade your health this way and will get older much before than the right time.

Nicky: Ok, I’ll sleep on time from today, Promise

It’s just yester night I didn’t feel like sleeping.

Deep: Good Girl! Mmuaah!

I have reached office, will call you in lunch time

Now, you have some more sleep and then come online.

Nicky: Bye, Have a Nice Day, Love You!

Deep: Bye bbye

Around 9:30 AM (IST) Deepak calls up

Deep: Did you sleep?

Nicky: No, I didn’t instead I finished all household chores early and now I’m online

Deep: hmnm

Nicky: what will you have in lunch?

Deep: Good Question! I don’t know. Let’s see what I can have today

You know Prachi, in Singapore vegetarians have fewer choices.

Nicky: I wish I could cook for you…

Deep: I’ll try some new restaurant today which I spotted yesterday while going home.

Nicky: Good

Deep: I’ll have lunch now and will talk to you later. Come online soon!

Nicky: Alright, bbye!

Around 11:00-11:20 AM (IST) on Yahoo IM

deepak3277: Back

connecting_nicky: What you had in lunch?

deepak3277: I had 2 chapatis+veggies+dosa+ one gulabjamun

connecting_nicky: good! J

and so on……………………………………..

During night around 6:00-6:30 PM (IST)

Deep: did I ake you wait too longer? I was about to call you soon but some pals turned up.

Nicky: No, It’s alright! 6:00 –9:00 PM(ISDT) is your calling time Deep

Deep: I Love You Prachi

Nicky: I know…

Deep: so how was your day?

What you did today?

What you had in lunch?

What you had/having in dinner?

Nicky: My day was good. I had Daliya in lunch and dinner is yet not done. Will take in sometime.

You tell me how was your day? Tired?

Deep: my day was good. I’m usually tired but no problem.

You tell me jaanu what all you did today?

And so on………………,

then begins the story right from the dropping of a needle to getting dinner prepared…I just cannot desist myself from giving him each & every detail of what happened during whole day. It seems as if he is right in front of me. No distance seems to be there in between us. Even after talking for a full one hour I still yearn to talk with him. And, on finding him tired and sleepy I feel crushed. Though I understand he is tired from hectic work in office and evening MBA classes yet my heart yearns to have more of his voice. He keeps up pretense of being wide awake so as to not to hurt me and strains himself hard to be attentive. Poor Soul! But, he too is slave of circumstances, isn’t it? I can go on and on when he is around. Tirelessly!

When I don’t talk to him on phone, the day seems to be rendered meaningless. I feel so dejected and depressed. I fight, argue, cross to him, irritated, and rash but cannot come up with just few words: “I miss you terribly, Deepak” It seems as if I need some kind of force within me to blurt out these simple words.

I don’t do anything else except waiting for him to come online or call me up. It seems a day without him will be the longest day that can ever be passed without me broken into sobs umpteen times.

Why we get so vulnerable in love?

Why it is too difficult to live all alone?

Why we need someone to look upon us and hold us ?

Why there is need of someone to let us feel that gracious warmth which no one else can ever make you feel?

Why you need to have a shoulder to lean upon?

Why we lose our whole arcade of “self-esteem” & “self-respect” and blurt “Do not leave me, I feel lonely & incomplete without you?”

Aren’t we living a life full of affectations? We reduce our own self into dust when in Love?

Why love is the most powerful force that sweeps off ground beneath your feet and sway your whole self with its little gush?

Why do we Love someone?

Love- can one really define what Love is and what it is to love?

Love is made of stuff ethereal. One cannot grasp its meaning in self so rational; let yourself loose, loose every connection whatsoever with the world around you, be silent within & out and then you will feel a surge of intense passion from the depths of your being which will overwhelm you. You will listen all those sounds which you would have never heard before, you can see the pain and anguish lurking beneath the smiling eyes, you can feel the compassion as if it is the stuff you are made of. Love makes you lose yourself utterly, no more you are you and you live for yourself. Love teaches you how to live for the being other than you…

Sometimes I wonder I don’t am in touch with myself when I write. I don’t even know what I write… fingers keep dancing and tapping the keyboard one after the other in a way too rhythmic. And, the outcome is like morning gibberish which I usually often fall into almost daily…

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