Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Hey Deep

Want to talk .You must be sleeping. I am happy today because I really studied for PR and I scored well. Finally, I have cleared at least one exam, though I feel, I am not made for giving tests. You will mock me and must be getting irritated with such a statement of mine. Never mind! I went to CP, wanted to, so. I had good time Deep. I could see dark streets twinkling lights, shades of red, yellow, and green, can hear cacophony of honkers here and there yet it was all mesmerizing. I felt myself lost completely. I was sitting in auto with four other people ( Rakhi and siblings) yet I could sense peace seeping through my veins into the deepest cores of my being and relaxing down my nerves.
We went to India Habitat Center, best place, worth visiting. I have dreamed of so many things in my life. For instance, I will come with my mate to IHC, attend some book fair or exhibition, eat at Eatopia, walk in the premises, hand in hand with him, see those colorful lights of the fountain and move out.

Today, and on such occasions when I am out. It’s dark and I can only see lights everywhere, I miss you, I Miss You So Very much...

My obsession with food and eating is an indication of hypertension. There is no point in saying I have no tensions when I have. I am distressed about my career as a writer. Definitely, I do not want to be an office going girl, tending to tasks assigned. I am my own boss and have always been! I want to be a writer. There is no way sitting laid back and dreaming of becoming a writer. I need air for my mind and open all the doors and windows which shuts me off from the world. I want to see things, touch them, feel them, and write what my perceiving of the object or being says to me.

I eat and eat to the point of puking. For that, I have to finger my throat. This makes it go sore for days. Bad and Sad!

These were your questions

Dear PJ,

Do me a favor please? If possible could you please write to me for the following....

1. Your dreams

2. How important they are

3. What are the problems in achieving them?

4. How do u think you can overcome the hurdles mentioned above?

Love u


My Dreams

1. My biggest and the only dream is to become a writer of great accord

2. Own a Library

3. Travel to many places with my Mate

4. Live life to its fullest

Importance of each dream

1. I want to live life beyond life being endowed to me. I want to make my presence felt not only in minds and hearts but in places I have been to, in objects I have handled with, in every street I have passed through. This is what my writing will give me- Glory! And, Glory is as important to me as it was for Greek Warriors who either won or fought till death to attain it.

2. I am passionate about collecting books and reading varied literatures. Owning a personal library will be a projection of my personality and character. This keeps me ticking and happy.

3. Yes, traveling is something I would die for. I want to go places, see them, feel them, know them, unravel them, and live them. I want to know cultures, learn about living ways, and talk to people. It is important, it will help me open up to the world and welcome it within me with open arms. It will give me different perspectives and perk up my writing skills and observing prowess. Travelling with mate, why? It is because he would be the only person in my life who could or should be witness to every change occurring in me. I want to, wish to live one more life along with this one, through him. He will be the one who should witness the impregnation of ideas and thoughts and their expression in vivid manner.

4. I love living and promise I won't die even after my death. I will create so many spaces for myself everywhere in the world so that I can still live with being dead.

Problems in realizing my dreams

I am caged in a cage-less cage!

Ways to overcome the hurdles

attaining that mystic union and fusion of two bodies and souls intertwined and breathing in each other and letting them realize and fathom the deep meanings of life and its existence. Coming to terms with who I am and what I want. Letting fresh air seep into my soul… Take a break with the so called civilized society. (This can never be possible because I will never stir a foot without you, even in seclusion. I need you and want you even when in utter isolation and solitude. You are the one who will impregnate, you are the inspiration- muse)

you told me, the day I will answer these questions, you will sort out every issue. Sort Out Deep!

Read and re-read the mail!

Let me know what each line says.


Saturday, August 8, 2009

Common Man-Aam Admi

“aam admi” , kai baari humne is shabd ko apni rojmarra ki zindagi mein suna hai aur khud bhi iska prayog yahan wahan karte hi hain. Par kya vastavikta mein hum yeh jante hai ki “aam admi” hota kaun hai. Kin chunind logon ko hum “aam admi” ki shreni mein late hai. Kya yeh janna hamare liye jaruri nahin hai? Shayad aise hi bahut sare shabd humapni aam zindagi mein istemal karte hai aur tajjub ki baat toh yeh hai ki hum anayas hi unhe apni zindagi ke shabd kosh mein laa dhakelte hain. Kabhi mami ki mnuh se nikle hue kuch shabd, us din chacha ne zor dekar is shabd ka istemaal kiya. Isis tarah hum bhasha aur shabdon ko sikhte hai.

Khair jane dijiye bhasha aur shabdon ke chayan ko is waqt kyunkifilhaal main “aam admi” par kuch apne vicjar vyakt karna chah rahi thi. Haan toh aa admi who nahin hota jiski mahine ki amdani lakhon aur karoron mein hoti. Balki wah hota hai jo mahine ke aakhiri dinon mein bhi ek 1000 aur kabhi kabhi toh 100 ke note ke liye bhi taras jaata hai. Jo chalta toh itni shaan se hai jaise uske samne kisi aur kit oh koi aukat hi nahin hai par ek mineral water ki botal kharidne se acha who 50 paise ka ek gilass lena jyada pasand karta hai.

“aam admi” ke paas aaj har such suvidha hai aur nahin bhi hai toh who chand minton mein ek loan ka form bharkar idhar udhar se references bator kar haasil kar hi leta hai. Zindadili toh dekhiye is shakhs ki, 3-4 bank wale iske ghar ke aksar chakkar kat-te rehte hi fir bhi agla sale mein se branded kapde kharidne ki haisiyat rakhta hai.

Aur sahab inke ghar koi manpasand mehman aa jaye toh , duniya bhar ki khane peene ka saman se table ko susajjit kar deta hai. Bhale hi fir agle mahine parcghun wala khun pine ko taiyaar ho jaye. Toh aap samajh rahe hai na ki yeh “aam admi” asal mein aam nahin bahut hi bada seb hai jo season mein bhi mehenga milta hai.

Emi bharte bharte jaan munh ko aa jati hai, fir bhi majal hai ki who apna living standard na banaye. Aakhir naak unchi rakhni bhi toh jaruri hai.Aur sabse jaruri aur mahatvapurna baat toh yeh hai in sahib ka aham itna uncha hai ki yeh apni shaan mein koi kami nahin rakhenge bhale hi inka beta ya beti inko zindagi mein kuch kamaya nahin gavanya ke taane mar maar ke kaan paka de. “Bache hai samajhte nahin hai, ki yeh sab inhi ke liye toh karta hun,” yehi kehkar yeh jo “aam admi” naam ke sahab hai.

Asal mein yeh :aam admi : koi nichle dabke ka insaan nahin hain hai aur na hi raees vyakri hai, vastavikta main yeh ek madhyam vargiya parivar mein rehne wala vyakti hai. Jiski zindagi ka kharch uski umra se jyada ho chala hai aur fir bhi woh ikki dukki baton mein khushiyan dhundta hua aage chala jar aha hai.

Na hi who koi chota mota kaam kar sakta hai aur na hi who minto mein lakhon ka karobar kar sakta hai; uski zindagi mein izzat se badhi koi cheez nahin kyunki, nichle varg ke logon ki tarah who nang nahin ho skat , jinke paas khone ke liye kuch nahin aur nahin woh ucch varg se hai , jinka kuch chala bhi jaye toh kya farak padh jayega, aur kuch galat ho bhi jaye toh rupe paise se dhak diya jayega.

“Aam admi”, shayad hummein se kai aise hi hai

Ek “aam aadmi” ke liye sabkuch jaruri hai izzat, paisa, shauhrat, rutba, pyaar, rishte-naate , aur inhin sab kuch ko batorne aur haasil karne ke chakkar mein who apne man ki shanty, dil ke sukoon ko kho chukka hai. Ek haad-maans ka tukda matra hai jo apne khwahishon ki tapti retili sadak pe ghisde jaa raha hai…

I could have written this in English too as my vocabulary is not that parched when it comes to write in English. Yet, I preferred writing this way. First, my apology for not typing in Hindi script! It is because I don’t know how to do that on web or on my laptop. So, please bear with this.

Something which is way too close to my heart, instigated me to type on these lines…

Life is a mad rush for the survival for a common man and he suffers every second living it. When momentary pleasures come to greet him, something unexpected trails along to banish those smiles from his life. He is common man, who has to fight till end; he cannot stoop down from his level, neither can he rise above his standard. He is the one dancing on a rope all the time. And this rope is not the one that earns money to rope dancers on street but the one that wrenches every bit of life from him and yet thrusts him towards the mirage of life.

He laughs, weeps, smiles, sobs, plays, cribs, dances, hum tunes sad/soothing and acts…. Yet he is supposed to that, lest life won’t be able to trudge further…isn’t it?