Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Hey Deep

Want to talk .You must be sleeping. I am happy today because I really studied for PR and I scored well. Finally, I have cleared at least one exam, though I feel, I am not made for giving tests. You will mock me and must be getting irritated with such a statement of mine. Never mind! I went to CP, wanted to, so. I had good time Deep. I could see dark streets twinkling lights, shades of red, yellow, and green, can hear cacophony of honkers here and there yet it was all mesmerizing. I felt myself lost completely. I was sitting in auto with four other people ( Rakhi and siblings) yet I could sense peace seeping through my veins into the deepest cores of my being and relaxing down my nerves.
We went to India Habitat Center, best place, worth visiting. I have dreamed of so many things in my life. For instance, I will come with my mate to IHC, attend some book fair or exhibition, eat at Eatopia, walk in the premises, hand in hand with him, see those colorful lights of the fountain and move out.

Today, and on such occasions when I am out. It’s dark and I can only see lights everywhere, I miss you, I Miss You So Very much...

My obsession with food and eating is an indication of hypertension. There is no point in saying I have no tensions when I have. I am distressed about my career as a writer. Definitely, I do not want to be an office going girl, tending to tasks assigned. I am my own boss and have always been! I want to be a writer. There is no way sitting laid back and dreaming of becoming a writer. I need air for my mind and open all the doors and windows which shuts me off from the world. I want to see things, touch them, feel them, and write what my perceiving of the object or being says to me.

I eat and eat to the point of puking. For that, I have to finger my throat. This makes it go sore for days. Bad and Sad!

These were your questions

Dear PJ,

Do me a favor please? If possible could you please write to me for the following....

1. Your dreams

2. How important they are

3. What are the problems in achieving them?

4. How do u think you can overcome the hurdles mentioned above?

Love u


My Dreams

1. My biggest and the only dream is to become a writer of great accord

2. Own a Library

3. Travel to many places with my Mate

4. Live life to its fullest

Importance of each dream

1. I want to live life beyond life being endowed to me. I want to make my presence felt not only in minds and hearts but in places I have been to, in objects I have handled with, in every street I have passed through. This is what my writing will give me- Glory! And, Glory is as important to me as it was for Greek Warriors who either won or fought till death to attain it.

2. I am passionate about collecting books and reading varied literatures. Owning a personal library will be a projection of my personality and character. This keeps me ticking and happy.

3. Yes, traveling is something I would die for. I want to go places, see them, feel them, know them, unravel them, and live them. I want to know cultures, learn about living ways, and talk to people. It is important, it will help me open up to the world and welcome it within me with open arms. It will give me different perspectives and perk up my writing skills and observing prowess. Travelling with mate, why? It is because he would be the only person in my life who could or should be witness to every change occurring in me. I want to, wish to live one more life along with this one, through him. He will be the one who should witness the impregnation of ideas and thoughts and their expression in vivid manner.

4. I love living and promise I won't die even after my death. I will create so many spaces for myself everywhere in the world so that I can still live with being dead.

Problems in realizing my dreams

I am caged in a cage-less cage!

Ways to overcome the hurdles

attaining that mystic union and fusion of two bodies and souls intertwined and breathing in each other and letting them realize and fathom the deep meanings of life and its existence. Coming to terms with who I am and what I want. Letting fresh air seep into my soul… Take a break with the so called civilized society. (This can never be possible because I will never stir a foot without you, even in seclusion. I need you and want you even when in utter isolation and solitude. You are the one who will impregnate, you are the inspiration- muse)

you told me, the day I will answer these questions, you will sort out every issue. Sort Out Deep!

Read and re-read the mail!

Let me know what each line says.


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