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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

DKS

It’s been ages… naah just a year with him and seems as if I have already lived many ages with him. When in 2005 I met him by chance on an online chatting platform –Fropper. I thought he has attitude because he said Hello and then vanished off for few days. So, the day we chatted for the first time on yahoo messenger I let him know my views about him. Once I started talking to him there were no breaks. We chatted almost every night for long long hours. Sometimes till 4:00 AM in morning and still there seemed to be no end to talks. It seemed to me as if with him something happens as if it’s not me who talks it’s something within me something beyond my physical existence that comes out to connect connecting_nicky@yahoo.co.in to Deepak Sharma. Yes this is what he used to call me teasingly-‘connecting_nicky’ ‘yahoo.co.in’. I remember the way I protested him when asked to receive his call

Gauche what a weirdo I acted that day. I was so scared and thrilled with the idea of speaking a man whom I have never seen and just chatted on net and even don’t know who he is exactly. But, that was the best time of life when I was in love with someone living miles away from me and I have never met with. He was like a prince charming and I used to imagine how he will come galloping over the horse and woo me as princes does in fairy tales.

It was real life- human life where in reality no fairy tales happens so I got disillusioned by his existence. I felt as if he doesn’t exist and one day my dream will break and I’ll face the fact that he is no more than a hallucination. I left him without even telling him why. He cried and yelled and wept for the reason and I acted as if turned into a stone. And, when I realized that no he is not a dream, a mere fascination but my life’s beautiful reality till then I had lost him. My guilt never let me get back to him.

2007 Nov when I joined my first job as a web content writer I was so confident and filled with fresh vigor to live my life in best possible way, then there again he came knocking at the door of my consciousness (12 Dec 2007). http://prachimuses.blogspot.com/2008/06/deep.html

I kept reading his mails and rejecting his friend requests on Orkut. I knew the day I‘ll accept his requests I won’t be able to desist myself and will keep talking to him. I don’t know what happens to me when he is there. It seems things come out of me involuntarily and uncontrolled. And, this is what happened when I accepted him as a friend. My heart knew that he is no mere a friend and can never be. He captivates me, my attention and my whole being. His snap that he sent me in December 2005 seemed so imposing to me I used to feel as if his gaze is dominating me. Aaah what is this all going on with me? He, just an ordinary man, how can he do this to me?

I asked him during our first call this time (Dec 2007) - Will you marry me? Deepak replied: “Yes, I’ll marry you. I was and will always be there for you Prachi. Just let me be sure that you are sincere this time and I’ll never leave you!”

I knew that every word in that SMS was true and he is speaking honest.

I cannot just stop marveling at his patience- he waited for me even when the way I left him was as if never to come back. I acted rude, weird, snobbish, and ridiculous and he endured all the insults just because he loved me truly. Why then I flee? My fears, my impatience led me astray. I curse myself for hurting him till date.

I still cannot believe my fate that he is with me.

Brown eyes, wheat-ish complexion, medium stature (health and height), down to earth living style, intelligent, intellectual who believes in working hard & working smart, puts oil in his hair, looks good in white shirt, religiously religious, God-fearing, Idealist, Patriotism in blood, great lover of Romantic Movies, Shahrukh Khan Fan, Experiments in kitchen (I'm his would be guinea -pig), cribs over not-so-nutritious diet, loves gazar ka halwa, trying to learn how to be diplomatic, wannabe politician, a gentleman and an obedient child.



I’m Sorry and you know this is for you. I cannot write as you are too much into me that defining you have also become the most difficult issue in this life. http://prachimuses.blogspot.com/2008/05/nicky.html -Blog entry done on-Saturday, February 23, 2008.

You want me to write something on you- how can I do this? When I write about you. it’s just not a writing it is as if I’m talking to you and things get too difficult for me, lot comes in my mind that needs to be buried down somewhere in the grounds of past not to be remembered ever. I owe everything to you- my life, my words, my smiles, my wishes, my dreams. It seems as if you cannot be defined without me being mentioned nor can I be ever defined without being you in it. What to write then what to say. Something happens to me when I talk about you or write about you. I am left with nothing just stroking the keys on type pad with pressure. .