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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Confessions



Each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963
Man is never alone. Acknowledged or unacknowledged, that which dreams through him is always there to support him from within. ~Laurence van der Post
It’s really too risky to expose yourself and confess what you might be hording up close to your heart. There are some confessions I would like to make about myself. But, this doesn’t mean that when asked about, I’ll be agreeing to any of them. This is a tag I had been given to complete on facebook and I didn’t get how to post it there so here it gets its real place in my blog!
1. I hate watching people while they eat. I just cannot withstand someone making noise while chewing. It becomes irritating so much so that I feel like leaving the food then and there.
2. I delude myself every now and then and hate it terribly when someone comes up tutoring me about reality.
3. I feel hurt to admit that I care or love. It feels as if I’m being exposed in the public. It hurts my ego.
4. I’m a staunch feminist and hate men speaking in loud tones with women. I can never tolerate male dominance in any sphere of life.
5. I love travelling, photography, and swimming and none of these I have ever done in my life till date- regret.
6. I know my gait is an eye-turner feature of my personality but off late it has made me too self conscious while walking.
7. I don’t like institutions, inhibitions, religions, orthodoxy
8. I love water so much so that whenever I see someone drinking I too want to have it
9. I don’t like travelling in bus just because I hate odor that prevails in it and to avoid other people’s hand, or bag or stole touching me. I try best to avoid any kind of physical touch with unknown people. Once I travelled via bus and back home I took bath twice; I had a whim that I have started smelling like other people.
10. I love Dolls. I played with them till 10th standard and I still keep looking for some good ones to buy for my collection
11. I rejoice in being called as an anarchist
12. I love reading and writing
13. I cannot do what’s being forced upon. I can say yes once just because of the concern for the person but I can never be happy and it tortures me like hell.
14. I don’t know how to say ‘no.’
15. I had a crush, the first and last one on my classmate in 11th. I just liked him but mum said stop talking to him and I stopped. We hardly spoke to each other for a month during whole 11th and 12th duration. I was too idiot to not to even steal a glance at him as mum has told me to stop talking to him. He was a favorite amongst girls and just because I stopped talking, first he tried a lot, but on seeing my reluctance, he opted to keep teasing me till last day of our school. I, at times feel I shouldn’t have stopped talking to him.
16. I love my reflection in the mirror and believe me I can spend whole day watching myself.
17. I want to try drugs
18. I can never be taught. If someone tries then I become too incorrigible and stubborn to pay heed to anything being said.
19. I don’t like sex-less Austen novels yet I would love o be one of those young ladies like that of her novels.
20. I hate people who consider sex as something not to talk about. I would like to suggest castrations for them. I just cannot tolerate people who maintain double standards.
21. I don’t like exhibitions of any kind. Be it of art or emotion.
22. I make religion of everything I see, believe, live with, or cherish. It, just have to touch my heart and I get into the soul of it.
23. I don’t like people following traditions just for the sake of being called as good human beings. I believe one should be adaptive to changes taking place. It’s not necessary to follow stale traditions just to please others.
24. If you love, then love selflessly.
25. I wish I had a genie. Life could have been better for me.
26. I know there are mermaids, I was one of them. This is why I love water so much.
27. I believe in spirits and wish talk with some of them, especially of women who struggled for Women empowerment.
28. I click well with either kids or old age people.
29. I’m an extremist. I don’t like middle way for anything.
30. I can be violent if I feel my desires and wishes are being suppressed on one or the other pretext. I lose control over my senses completely and can be too dangerous.
31. My motto: Live & let live. And, if not then I dare you!
32. I love myself when drunk. I look like a weeping angel.
33. I want to see the place where Frankenstein was found half-dead and ater that he narrates his story to the ship’s captain
34. I want to perform ‘nrityanatika’ with my life partner.
35. I consider art as supreme power-it’s orgasmic whether performing or visual one.
36. I have an inferiority complex that I don’t look beautiful
37. I don’t like my obsessive nature but can’t help either.
38. I don’t like wearing spectacles. It reminds me of those days when I used to look like an ugly duckling.
39. I have never hurt anyone intentionally. It’s just that I have no reason to give my case if ever I did wrong someone.
40. I am not afraid of anything in the world except my dark moods.
41. I cannot sleep if I see shadows. I have a dread of shadows.
42. I want to get my portrait done in oil posing as an Aphrodite.
43. I don’t believe in ‘Virginity.’ The word itself seems phony to me.
44. I contradict myself very often.
45. I love talking about myself, day dreaming, create imaginary people, and proclaim myself a writer in the line of Virginia Woolf and Joseph Conrad.
46. I love eating ‘Orange stick’ ice-cream ad drink Fanta as it changes my tongue and lips from pink to orange.
47. I admire only one literary character- Rhett Butler (Gone With the Wind)
48. I don’t look for inspiration and do not consider anyone as a role model.
49. I cannot tolerate breach of trust- that’s the end of every relationship.
50. I know I’m proud, obstinate, stubborn, and haughty and do not wish to change myself.
51. I like talking. It sometimes seems to me that I talk to make myself aware of life lest I lose myself into an utter oblivion.
52. I gorge on food when emotionally perplexed and then vomit it out by fingering my throat.
53. I would like to know what it is to have sex with women, being a woman. I like woman because they are really the most beautiful creation of God with their curvaceous body, winsome smile, dreamy eyes, silken locks, delicate skin, and arousing breathe.
54. I want to get married since I was 8 years old. Don’t ask me why!
55. I don’t know how to use fork & knife. I never tried to learn this because I cannot enjoy eating thus. I hate to use them when out on some formal lunch and most of the time I skip the use.
56. During night my spirits are high and I feel surge of extreme energy within me.
57. I like charcoal drawn pictures and black & white photography
58. I want to build a wood house with my hands
59. I don’t have anything to do with anyone in the world. I never bother people and ready to do anything, even if I have to go out of my way. I just want peace, ingenuity, and intellectual mind. No chameleons!
There is lot more to confess on but I think, that will be too heavy to digest in one blog post.

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