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Friday, July 9, 2010

Hope, There Is still!

Every one of us, some time in our life needs a room of our own, a space which we can call our personal one. This is one place in the entire world where you can sit unnoticed and brood over dark matters welling up with in the cores. It helps us come out of those insipid thoughts and disturbances that have been hindering peace from flowing smoothly in our daily life.
I have been planning a session of introspection from past many years. In this planning, whole seven years have been dwindled down to a pit of unfathomable depths from where it’s not easy for me to retrace my steps. Even I have forgotten what foot I placed where. Life is an undecipherable maze of stories from where it is really difficult to figure out what incident led to which.
What I can remember is this unquenchable thirst for this personal space which I have lost, know not where. I always wanted to live away from home which I had never been allowed to. I tried my level best to get admission into some college out of Delhi so that I could get a chance to live alone. My dad and mum just couldn’t let me go anywhere without them. God, they don’t trust people as if theirs is the only daughter in the entire universe. Crap! If I plan for a New Year trip, Dad recalls some incident that had took place sometime back with girls who went to Mumbai to spend New Year, being harassed and assaulted publicly. Goodness! I mean why do they always recall such horrible incidents and why can’t they see several girls shuttling to and fro states for their studies and job.  The point is why they only think of negative side and not the positive one. If I want to go for an outing, then mum says do whatever you want to once you get married and that too only when your husband allows you to do.  This all freaks me out!
Life’s circumstances have imposed a situation in which I cannot even have a room to call mine. Though, shifting to Gurgaon with husband recently has brought about some considerable changes in life. I have also recently bought a book rack for my drawing room corner and I love it.
Now, it seems life is coming back to normal track slowly & gradually.  Hopefully, I can draw myself into things that interest me.  
I don’t understand politics, or even economics; forget about sports. Is it horrible to live thus? People, I see have number of issues to discuss and direct at and I have none except few of my notions on subjects that might not be of interest to everyone.  I read books, write on them, save the drafts on my laptop’ desktop and forget about them.  Never ever I have made those drafts to the end. Everything is so incomplete in life, me too!
Though, I am harping on one particular event that may bring back the fervor of good old days when I was all vibrant with fresh thoughts and loved to venture into anything new and adventurous. I just pray that I get this last chance to complete first what I left owing to my own inconsistencies.  I left my post graduation studies in middle as I couldn’t just concentrate on studies owing to certain miserable situation that came up and ruined all my dreams. I became too hopeless and resigned to what came my way. May be I can resume my studies once again and regain that passion for learning and creating back.
Keeping fingers Crossed!