Saturday, September 21, 2013

Tashu's First School Picnic

Saturday, 21 September 2013 at 11:11 Tashu had gone for picnic outside school premises today for the first time. My mind is so unsettled and I'm so apprehensive about how she would be doing. .. All should go well. She is favorite of her teachers so I am sure they would be taking good care of her and other kids too. Oh now I suddenly realize how difficult it used to be for ma to let me go for the picnic which ofcourse I went at the age of 13. My parents never let me go for picnics or school trips. First because they were always apprehensive about safety and wellbeing. Second most importantly because of economic constraints. I belong to a family where shelling money for such trips is pretty useless or I presume so. However, on contrary in case of my little sister she had always been allowed to go wherever she wanted to go yet she keeps cribbing like a horse whining for not being allowed to run free. .. lol she will eat me raw for this sure. Back to Tashu, though shradh, those days in Hindu religion you pay homage to your ancestors and deceased ones and not supposed to buy anything new. I went out all the way sacrificing rituals traditions and culture at the altar of mother's feelings and bought her a trouser and a top, shoes and some snacks for today's picnic. How much desperately I want to go and see how she is doing. Can't wait to pick her and know how much she enjoyed ... Shared with Memoires for Android

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

That Girl!

It’s easier to become an inspiration rather than a disciple. I have always observed that I am good at influencing people with small words and big thoughts. However, when it comes to me, my personal attitude towards life and its stratagems it’s all loose talk which I do to while away time. It’s a fancy job I do most of the time. I mean I love talking, discussing and learning things. I love to talk because I find people and their views interesting. I personally feel that when I listen to somebody ranting or bubbling or babbling I want it to be one on one i.e. I should see the person. This makes the conversations all the more interesting and enjoyable and makes me all the more a good listener. I like to see the gestures, expressions - mostly the meanings of the ejaculations are conferred by them rather than the words.

So, there was me listening to this girl from a small town. The small town is really small and is too distant as per my calculations in terms of so called sophisticated circles I associate myself with. Though, with means of modern technology nothing is distant these days.

Her parents have given their best to her – right from education to her lifestyle. Hailing from an economically sound family she has all the amnesties one can imagine. The girl has a mind of her own, speaks bold and blatant, not caring what people might be thinking and judging about her. She has her own set parameters for everyone around and never frets from giving her piece of mind if ever poked unnecessarily. Her personal life is quite public with her subtle FB updates, yet nobody including even relatives in the friend list has the cheek to question her. I really admire her for that. She must be in her what – early twenties and yet she is mature enough to handle her life so well. She is so polite, decent and well mannered you cannot expect her to be stern. Her eyes have that look which makes you feel mocked at, if you ever dare any silly notion or word slip out of your mouth when she is around. Her eyes speak – I dare you!

Her dressing tells you if not yet then wait some more I am definitely going to beat you in your own world. That gait telling you I am game to handle this city life on my own terms and still that curiosity that piercing gaze to unravel what more lie hidden from her.

Even that nonchalance telling I am still innocent about the game my subconscious has been playing on my mind.

I had been a bin for all her thoughts and view points on various subjects which I feel are yet not suitable for her age. But, you can’t blame the young dame; times have so bloody changed and the youth are all hacked out in between their family background and the city life.

She is quite ahead of her age when it comes to share your opinions. She can speak at length on subjects still unsuitable for a tender age. Be it sex or marriage or marital issues or ideologies. But what a clarity man, even sometimes I am confused about what I think and what I practice. She is not!

Wonder how far she will go – I am sure nobody can fool her. Seems this is what’s needed most in our species. Here, I quip again!

Monday, September 16, 2013

My Life – A Reverie It Is !

Most of the time it's my reveries that distract but believe me I so very much love to be lost like that. All day long to do nothing just sitting with eyes wide open, creating a web of weird possibilities, wonderful life and things the way I wish them to be or want.
It's just one of those crazy moments of my life when I feel "waah life ho toh aisi..."
Few days back I was imagining myself like a woman in her early thirties with a scarf tied around her head as a turban, wearing long flowing chequered skirt (black and beige) with a Huge belt on my waist with a prominent buckle White ruffled shirt resembling the ruffles in the hair flowing wayward because of those rapid walks I am taking in the room. One hand in the air gesturing what all I am thinking /composing and in the other in between the fingers is languidly held cigarette half smoked. Some sheets here and there in the air and a writing desk full of stationary, books, an open dictionary, a thesaurus bookmarked, a writer waiting to be addressed...
A window right behind the desk ajar... chair seems to be in waiting for long too... coffee ready to poison me after so many turns on the boiler.
A walking stick- my umbrella perching on the corner longingly staring half at the door and half towards me to coercing me Darling, let’s take a stroll before you madden us all out. Who all, I mocked and they right from door to window to ceiling to books to table for coffee and the almost frenzied hair shouted in unison “us”
What a weird imagination, but I love to live like that. May be would have loved to be lived that or have lived in some time like that....
“Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.
-          Longfellow

Monday, September 9, 2013

Tashu Taken To Hospital

Tashu is suffering from dry cough from past one month. We are giving her medicines and all yet you just cannot stop kids from doing and having everything. So, I stopped keeping water bottles in the fridge, now she would not be asking cold water to drink. She loves ice-cream and we're trying our best to not to let her see even one.
Last night we were out for dinner with friends. Catching up and all and Tashu had lots of fun. She didn’t get up in the morning for school. And, I let her sleep so that she doesn’t feel tired all the day long.
She woke up around 11:00 AM and asked for a Choco Pie. There is a limit to restrain your kid from everything. We in this age cannot just resist certain temptations how could we expect a child of 2.6 years to stop eating chocolates altogether. I complied with her request and went back to my work. She started coughing right after having it. I felt sad. Can’t help though! Suddenly I realized even I am feeling uneasy to breathe (my maid told me in the morning there is some very unusual odour in kitchen). I went to the kitchen and saw white mist and just couldn’t breathe and puked. When I came back Tashu was literally choking, reddened face smeared with tears and she puked almost everywhere in the room. I just took her to bathroom gave her a quick shower and meanwhile we both were short of breath.
I immediately called Deepak and we rushed to Max Hospitals emergency. They gave her a nebulizer for almost 30 minutes and then we met her Paediatrician Dr. Shishir Bhatnagar Whom I informed that she haven’t yet recovered from Dry cough, and this happened today. He was surprised that people still use such Pest control. He advised to get a chest X-Ray done.
When we showed X-Ray reports he exclaimed “I am not happy with the results, she has pneumonia patches” and prescribed meds for 9 days along with nebulizer for 5 days.
I just cannot sum up how it feels to see your child with that ridiculous looking mask over her face. It kills you. I know, it was just a nebulizer that helps in breathing easy still it’s some medical equipment they mount on your face - and it was over my beautiful little doll. I don’t know how many times I cursed the people who got the Pest control done (later I came to know it was our landlord).
Tashu is just 2.6 years and got exposed to the radiations of X-Ray. I cannot just simply erase the image of her fragile half naked from top body standing in front of X-Ray Machine. Dks and I were holding both her arms stretched horizontally. We were made to wear some radiation proof jackets and what about my little girl. My mind was plagued with so many thoughts in those moments of waiting. What Tashu might be thinking, she might be wondering what is all this they are doing to me and making me stand like that...
Every time I see my daughter in pain, the realization dawns on me how much it would have pained my Ma when she saw me crying in pain on regaining consciousness after my Caesarean. She must have felt so horrid and helpless on seeing her child being injected and operated... Nobody knows and can ever sum up the feelings of a mother whose entire life is her children – her flesh and blood. And, how ruthless we become when we grow old - our priorities, wishes, desires, and life. We hardly even think if our parents wouldn’t have been there, how we could even be able to ask/demand/raise our voices...

I am grateful to God for making me a parent to know what it is to be a parent and what all goes into giving birth and bringing up a child.